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LONELINESS AND THE ART OF BEING ALONE








A Study in Thought






sa083






by





Marius Heuff

Chapter 1

Content

An apparently easy definition.
We can notice many different feelings, if we feel somewhat lonely.
The difference between loneliness and being alone.
The many ways in which we depend on other people.
We all experience a need to be alone, from time to time.
Sometimes, we want privacy and quietude; at other times, we are afraid of solitude and stillness.
Feeling a twinge of loneliness amidst a sea of people.
When we are shunned by others.
Why a moment of reflective thought may aggravate a feeling of uncertainty.
If we have learned, from an early age, to "see ourselves behave", we will be more comfortable with reflective moments.
Being saddled with a chronically introvert personality.
When we are not wholeheartedly accepted by the people around us.
The autistic child.
Criteria for being "comfortably integrated" into the social environment.
Experiencing a relaxing feeling of belonging.
Why social contacts provide an opportunity for "psychological specialisation".
An unhealthy degree of dependence.
Dominant, restrictive and over-protective parents.
When a community is weak, lax and complacent.
An "easy life" amongst friends and familiar surroundings.
"Locally coloured" people are at a loss, whenever they have to compete with people outside the familiar environment.
A disciplined attitude, and a broad outlook on life.

1 It seems so simple, if we are looking for a definition; loneliness is the feeling that we miss someone, and, the art of being alone covers a variety of ways to cope with the feeling of loneliness or the problems of living alone. Yet, is this all we can say about it? Obviously not, because we would never have chosen this title for an essay, if it did not appear to have, at least, the promise of a wide-ranging discussion.

2 Let us discuss, first of all, what we exactly feel, if we are lonely, or, rather, let us discuss a fairly large variety of feelings, which we can describe when we look, closely, at ourselves, as we feel somewhat lonely. In addition to the variety of feelings, sensations or moods, which are usually lumped together under the term "loneliness", we should have a good look at the circumstances that may evoke such a feeling of loneliness. Let us discuss the feelings of loneliness in contrast with the condition of being alone, which may, or may not, be associated with a feeling of being lonely. We will see, that, indeed, being alone places a burden upon us, not only psychologically, in the sense that we have no one to talk to, but, especially, because we will be without help, whenever we get into trouble, or, whenever we have to do something that requires a pair of extra hands. Few of us realise to what extent we rely upon others in our daily lives, and, if we are suddenly confronted with a situation where we are alone, we may become frightened and confused, as we suddenly realise how vulnerable we are.

3 Yet, some of us may be quite adept at living alone, and, once we are used to it, we may easily prefer such a life-style over one, where we rely heavily upon other people. When we are used to being alone, we may suddenly feel that it is a burden to be amongst other people, in particular, if we are far-away from our familiar surroundings. Similarly, we see, that most of us will seek solitude, at least, once in a while, because we need to be alone, from time to time, and, we want to have the ability to think and reflect in quiet surroundings, without having to communicate constantly with other people. Nevertheless, we may find it somewhat frightening to be alone; to be in a quiet environment; not to be exposed to the noise of other people, or the programs of radio and television, and, we notice, how contradictory our feelings and inclinations are. We want privacy and quietude, from time to time; at other times, we are afraid of solitude and stillness, and, we drown ourselves in noise and superficial contacts.

4 Therefore, it may be a burden and a stress to be alone, and, it may be a burden and a stress to be with other people. Sometimes, we relax and regenerate, if we can exist in a state of solitude, at other times, such conditions may frighten us, or drive us "up the wall" by boredom and a curious restlessness, especially, when we arrive unprepared at a condition of solitude and stillness. We feel acutely uncomfortable, unless we have something to do, such as a book to read, someone to visit, or just something to look at, and listen to, when we are taking a walk.

5 Obviously, there are many mechanisms at work, and, we have to consider the voluntary and involuntary features of a period of loneliness. Indeed, even, when busy and absorbed in a strenuous task, in particular, if we happen to occupy a position of responsibility, we may, suddenly, feel a twinge of loneliness in the midst of other people, in particular, if people depend on us, and we have to make difficult decisions and lack the ability to consult someone. If we lack the ability to voice our doubts and talk about the pressures of the tasks and responsibilities we carry upon our shoulders, then, we may feel a moment of loneliness in the midst of a humdrum of relationships, and, we have felt, then, the loneliness of a position of leadership.

6 On the other side of the spectrum, we may be lonely, because we are an out-cast and despised by the people around us. This is primarily a result of our own actions, such as irresponsible or treacherous behaviour, a betrayal of the values of the community we live in, or, on occasion, because we are not understood properly, or, because we have acted, in part, out of loyalty towards a community which is at odds with the one we live in. Or, we may have committed a series of stupid mistakes, because we never had the courage to admit that we had embarked upon an erroneous, or, even, a disastrous course of action, and, now, we have to face the consequences of our misguided and stubborn behaviour, where we have recklessly ruined the relationships with our spouse, our children, friends and relatives.

7 Yes, indeed, there are many reasons, why we are brought to a moment of reflective awareness; where we feel a measure of sadness and loneliness, but, then, we suppress such feelings again, and, we persist, doggedly, on the somewhat fruitless course we have charted for ourselves. We are often frightened by a moment of reflective thought, because it may aggravate our uncertainty, doubts or confusion, and, similarly, we are often frightened by this feeling of loneliness for the same reasons. Indeed, it is probably fair to say, that the feeling of loneliness is a spur to a moment of reflective thought, and, if we feel uncomfortable with the opportunity or the need to reflect for a moment on our existence, and think about the course of actions we have embarked upon, then, we will also feel uncomfortable when alone. We will, then, frantically immerse ourselves in all sorts of activities and contacts, as long as we do not have to face the questions and doubts of our subconscious mind; as long as we do not have to spend a few moments with our own thoughts in an atmosphere of quiet solitude.

8 Whether or not we are frightened by a moment of reflective thought and a measure of loneliness, depends, to a large extent, on our past experiences. If we have excercised our faculties of thought in the past, and, if we have experienced the fact, that it is possible to digest, fruitfully, our thoughts and re-orden our beliefs and goal-structures by reflecting upon the course of events or the decisions that lie ahead, then, we will welcome an opportunity to review, once again, the status-quo of our existence.

9 If we have learned, in the past, to look at ourselves, and others, with a measure of objectivity, and, if we have gotten into the habit to "see ourselves behave", as an outsider, or, at least, as "someone else", then, we will also have become aware of the fact, that we rarely experience a total immersion in the situation of the moment, or, in our contacts with other people. We know, that there are often vague tensions or feelings of unhappiness and incompleteness in our contacts with others. As a result, we have greater difficulties "giving" ourselves totally to our friends and play-mates. We become somewhat reserved and chronically introvert, as we are inclined to withdraw from the people around us. We like to dwell in a world of our own; a world, where we can be as we really would like to be, because we are seldom given a chance to play this role in real life.

10 In short; anyone, who has grown-up with a chronic tension in inter-personal relationships, and, anyone, who has experienced the feeling, that one is seldom wholeheartedly accepted by the social surroundings, will automatically have learned to exist in a sphere of loneliness, and, such an individual will often prefer such an existence, because the level of stress is lower than when in company.

11 Such introvert, or, even, somewhat autistic attitudes, are often the result of an incomplete or somewhat warped personality development, because the introvert child is, often, unnaturally shy and lacks the ability to participate, with confidence, in the give and take between play-mates. Such a child is steered, by the circumstances of its social contacts and the atmosphere at home, into an existence, where prolonged periods of time are spent in solitude and loneliness. We do not want to make a judgement, here, about blame; the genetic anlage of the child, its environment, the influence and attitudes of parents or guardians, or the happenstance of circumstances. We only want to emphasise the idea, that a great deal depends on our past experiences, whether or not we are comfortable with a situation of loneliness.

12 As always, most of us fall somewhwere in the middle. We have experienced sufficient satisfying contacts with other people to feel reasonably comfortable and buoyed by a group of close friends and relatives, but, we have also experienced sufficient moments of tension and stress to make us feel lonely and alone, forcing us to make important decisions on our own.

13 This means, that we are, as a rule, quite comfortably integrated with the social environment we live in, and, we can play our role there naturally, participating and enjoying a natural give-and-take with the people we know. We experience, then, a genuine feeling of belonging and relaxation, when we are a member of this group. Yet, we have experienced, and, we are experiencing sufficient moments of tension and stress to develop the art of thinking for ourselves. Then, we do not shrink back from seeking a moment of solitude to think for ourselves, and, we are not frightened, if we find ourselves, rather unexepctedly, alone in a fairly difficult situation.

14 You may ask, why certain people become very dependent upon a continuous contact with others. Such a dependence progresses, often, to the point, that these people become frightened by any experience of loneliness, where they refuse, or are unable to cope, with any moment of reflective thought. To make a long story short, we should merely state, that, social contacts also provide an opportunity for a "psychological specialisation", and, if we become very dependent upon the input from others to make all our decision, we will naturally feel a great sense of loss and uncertainty, if we suddenly have to manage without this input. Fortunately, most of us are sufficiently independent to make most of the necessary decisions ourselves, and, this means, that we do not rely exclusively on others to make decisions for us. Such a high level of dependence upon someone else's opinions, input or assistance, is not healthy, and may be a result of unfortunate experiences and difficult circumstances.

15 If we did not receive, during the most crucial periods of our early childhood, a sufficient degree of encouragement to become somewhat confident and independent, we may have developed a strong, chronic sense of anxiety and uncertainty, where we think of ourselves as unable or unworthy to make decisions. We may have actively been encouraged by thoughtless parents or insensitive guardians to behave timidly, in particular, if they happen to have been extremely dominating personalities who wanted to do everything for us. We are not dealing, here, with a deliberate attempt to keep someone completely submissive and docile, as a will-less, obedient child that never does anythng on his or her own initiative without first seeking permission, but, it is certainly true, that strong-willed parents, who try to bring-up their children to the best of their ability, often become quite rigid and restrictive in their zeal to give protection, and, as a result, their children have much less freedom than other children in the community.

16 "Is this an advantage or a disadvantge?", you may ask. Obviously, the answer depends, primarily, on the abilities and characteristics that come to the fore, as these children become older and have to take their place in the community, or the society at large. If a community is weak, inbred, lax and complacent in its attitudes towards its children and adolescents, we see, that, many of them become rather undisciplined personalities, who do not learn well at school and lack the motivation or ambition to make something of themselves, and, eventually, they gravitate back to the community, where they lead a somewhat parasitic existence, depending on close relatives and friends to help them with everything; from getting a place to stay, to a job. Not surprisingly, their own children will become dependent upon their parents for the same reasons.

17 Yet, children brought-up in a lax, laissez-faire environment, are often more self-assured, and, even, brazen in their attitudes, compared to children, who come from a more rigid household or family. The lack of specific guidance, as well as a somewat bland encouragement by laissez-faire parents, friends and relatives, makes for an "easy life"; at least, life is relatively easy, as long as these people remain in their familiar surroundings, but, as soon as they start to compete, or try to compete, with people from a different community, they feel at a loss.

18 The lack of marketable skills and well-defined ambitions, and their inability to learn about different peoples or different jobs and places of work, makes them strongly "locally coloured", and, these people are much less flexible and adaptable than the children of more rigid parents, who know, that the world is a little larger than just the community they happen to live in. These children may come into their own, later, when a finished schooling starts to pay-off, and a more disciplined attitude and broader outlook on life makes it easier for them to communicate and integrate with a variety of social groupings in the larger social environment.

19 However, this is an aside, and, we want to come back to the idea, that a strong psychological dependence leads to an under-development of the faculties of thought, reflection and decision-making, and, it is obvious, that such an individual becomes remarkably vulnerable, if this particular social environment starts to change or disappear. On the other hand, if a child grows-up "quite lonely", the art, and the need, to integrate and communicate with others will always remain somewhat stressful, and, such an individual wil naturally feel comfortable with his own thoughts and with a somewhat lonely existence. Seen in this perspective, it becomes understandable, why we react so differently to a period of loneliness, and, why some of us cope quite poorly during a period of diminished contacts with familiar people and comfortable surroundings.

.......

Chapter 2

Content

The price of a specialised development or skill.
A narrowly based marketable skill.
entrapment and a chronic feeling of nostalgia.
The loneliness of Frederic Chopin.
The stimulus, and the opportunity, to polish an artistic skill into a high level of perfection.
Seeing the logic, and reasons, for the quality of the artistic achievement we admire.
An aura of mystery, and the fact, that we "co-create" a work of art in our minds.
The reasons, why we experience a sense of joy and beauty.
Shared perceptions and emotional inter-actions.
A common avenue for releasing chronic tensions.
The self-confidence that comes with having acquired an artistic skill.
The complex history of a work of art.
The function of "re-creation".
Becoming part of the cultural pool of notions and awarenesses.
Most of us never obtain the level of perfection, originality and intensity, which makes some of the works of great artists, "master-pieces".
True works of art are able to "stand on their own feet".
Anonymous works of art.
Is it important to know an artistic creator by name?
The stress of having to work in an environment one does not really like.
The "hard work" of enduring chronic stress
The need to enjoy periods of rest and relaxation; to regenerate energies and rejuvenate the qualities of innovativeness and resilience.
The reasons for "business-like contacts".
When inter-personal relationships remain calculated and manipulative in nature.
When contacts are "work", and, when they are "a relaxation".
The tendency to sooth tensions and frustrations in various psychological and physical ways.

1 We all form, to some extent, a psychological inter-dependence with other people, especially, when we are young, but, the failure to develop a measure of independence and self-confidence is a neurotic or abnormal state of affairs, because we become, then, extremely vulnerable to changes in the psychological or social environment. Ironically, the development of chronic psychological tensions between an individual and his social environment, may also result from a status of dependence. For example, if an individual becomes highly specialised in the skills he hopes to market as a way of making a living, he or she may have to move to a strange, unfamilliar or a foreign social environment in order to succeed. Such a person becomes markedly dependent upon a particular social environment, and, this may lead to chronic tensions and frustrations, especially, if the social environment is completely different from the one an individual grew-up in.

2 If the marketable skill is an artistic one, and, if the degree of economic dependence is aggravated by a somewhat expensive life-style, a habit of spending all income as soon as it comes-in, as well as a chronic, debilitating illness, we see an unfortunate combination of factors that aggravates the tensions or stresses an individual has to endure. An artistic personality is already highly sensitive to stress and emotions, but, at the same time, a measure of stress is necessary as a source of inspiration to continue to perform as an artist.

3 If the way of life has developed into an entrapment, because of the financial need to live in a particular social environment, and, because of financial obligations and a limited ability to withstand the stress of traveling, we see all the conditions for a chronic nostalgia, where the stress of living far-away from one's country of origin, may lead to obsessive thought-patterns about one's home land and the social environment of happy childhood memories. Such conditions provide a fertile breeding ground for the expression of loneliness, reflective thoughts, and nostalgic feelings.

4 I am thinking, here, about the composer, Frederic Chopin, and it is clear, that the feelings of loneliness and nostalgia were not deliberately sought-after, as is the case with a weak personality who does not want to face realities, and retreats, voluntarily, into a fantasy-world of his own making. The feelings of loneliness, of being out of place, were the logical result of a discrepancy between the circumstances in which Chopin was compelled to live, and those, which he would have liked to live in. These tensions were relieved, however, to some extent, by the form of art which he practiced; playing the piano, and composing music for this instrument.

5 Originally, this type of "work", was the free choice of a gifted individual, but, it became quickly an obligatory occupation. It becomes, quickly, a necessity, because an artistic personaliy has a tendency to neglect all other aspects of the range of skills that are available to him or her. Quickly, the only way an artist can make a living, is by the performance of his art or occupation, and, this entrapment of extreme specialisation contributes to the stresses and tensions of having to live in an environment that sustains such specialised work, but, it also provides an opportunity and stimulus to polish a chosen field of art into an extra-ordinarily high level of perfection.

6 The need to go back, again and again, to what one has chosen as one's profession or one's form of art, is the main reason, why such an entrapped, chronically unhappy personality, who lives, often, in unhealthy and unwise conditions, reaches a level of perfection that remains a source of fascination, as well as an object of admiration, for us, ordinary "mortals", who have developed a strong affinity for a form of art that has been brought to such a fascinating level of perfection.

7 If we, ordinary people, would take the time, and, make the effort, to familiarise ourselves, thoroughly, with the development of the personality, as well as the conditions of existence in which an admired artist has lived for such a long period of time, we see, as a rule, the logic, as well as the reasons for the artistic achievements we admire. However, often, we do not want to understand in a logical and rational manner, what the reasons were for the perfection of a particular artistic work of art, because we fear, intuitively, that such an understanding would detract, to some extent, from this aura of mystery and fascination, which we have woven around a loved work of art. We see, here, once again, that we "co-create" in our mind an admired work of art. Certainly, a loved master-piece has many good reasons, why it can function as an object of fascination and admiration, but, if we enjoy, admire or study a work of art intensely, we become a co-creator of this aura of beauty and meaning. These qualities of beauty and meaning become part of our sphere of reality experiences, because we love a work of art, or a specific artistic performance, for the sense of joy and beauty it gives us.

8 The reasons, why we experience a sense of joy and beauty on hearing, seeing, or experiencing a work of art we feel comfortable with, are just as much founded in our particular personality and our specific experiences, as the experiences and circumstances which let the artist to create a particular master-piece. True, the fact, that, we, and many other peoples, over many different generations, can recognise, often, in a very similar way, the beauty of a master-piece, means, that we are touching upon shared mechanisms of perception and emotional inter-action, even, if the precise mechanisms of these shared emotions escape our intellectual grasp or conscious awareness.

9 For an artistic personality, the creation of a work of art within the chosen field of professional mastery, is a common way of releasing some of the chronic tensions and frustrations that are associated with his or her existence, but, the way this work of art may find a response, and, often, does not find a response, at least, not to the knowledge of the artist, is, in essence, beyond the control and concern of a creative artist. Once the work of art is there, finished and perfected to the best possible standards of achievement, the work has been done, and, the artist turns his attention to another project.

10 Certainly, it is important what happens to this work of art, and, any artist, who makes his livelyhood entirely from his work, has to concern himself with the level of acceptance his work encounters with his contemporaries, but, the broader meaning of his work; whether or not his works will find a world-wide recognition, are questions he does not really concern himself with.

11 The history of a work of art goes frequently far beyond the life-span of the artistic creator, and, this shows, that the work of art starts to lead a life on its own. It becomes dependent upon the level of recognition it receives, as well as upon the number of people who are able to re-create or co-create this work of art in their own sphere of reality perceptions. The life-span of a work of art covers, often, a span of several generations. This means, that, living individuals have to "fall in love" with a work of art and then re-create it, every time they become involved with it. "Re-creation" does not mean that the physical record of an artistic work has to be re-created, but, the meaning and intention that lie behind this physical record have to be recognised and "felt", or re-lived. This is the essence of the act of "re-creation", while the artist who "originated" the work of art, has left the physical record to make such an act of re-creation possible.

12 A good and widely accepted work of art becomes, eventually, a part of the common cultural pool or currency of a society, and, sometimes, it will become an essential part of the culture of many different societies, in particular, if the work of art is capable of transcending the boundaries of specific cultural pools on account of its universality of appeal and meaning.

13 We, ordinary people, often share in the same mechanisms, but, we rarely recognise each other's products as a "work of art", because we seldom obtain the level of perfection, originality and intensity, which makes some of the works of our great artists, a "master-piece". Yet, if we channel our frustrations and tensions into some sort of activity we truly believe in, it gives us a sense of beauty and relaxation, and, we are, in essence, creating a "work of art". However, most of us have not mastered a particular field of artistic expression in great detail, or, as thoroughly as a professional, and, most of us do not experience such a long and sustained drive, or pressure, to become a master in a chosen field.

14 Even, if we do become a master, and, even, if we are able to produce a work of art that is recognised by the people around us as valuable, we still can not be sure, that, people in different communities or subsequent generations will also arrive at the conclusion, that our work is valuable. Many strong, artistic personalities create an aura of persuasiveness on the basis of the strength of their character, and, if their works have to do without this support after the death of "their master", these works may not be strong enough to carry the momentum of artistic conviction on their own backs.

15 However, let us not assume, that a master-piece, or a true work of art that is able to carry its artistic momentum for many generations, can only be created by a highly individualistic, nostalgic and lonely artist, who feels out of place in the environment he has to work in. Many ordinary citizens and well integrated individuals, who do not consider themselves as "artists", but, perhaps, more accurately, as highly skilled craftsmen and -women, have produced works that are greatly admired, many generations later. Frequently, the name of the creative individual has been lost, and, we attribute or direct our admiration, then, primarily, towards a particular culture or civilisation, whose products we admire, rather than towards the art-expression of a particular, known, individual.

16 This type of "folk-art" is still possible, and, many ordinary people make a lasting contribution to their social environment, even, if their names and individual specifics have been lost or forgotten. Really, if a work of art, or a work of science and crafsmanship, is able to convey a message of beauty, strength and purpose or truth on its own accord, what, then, is the importance of knowing the name or the individual who made this contribution? Certainly, we may well become curious about an individual personality, if we recognise something valuable in the products this individual has made , but, if we think about it, we should ask ourselves, why we admire something, and, we will, then, come to the conclusion, that the individual, who made this object of admiration, shared many common features of human existence with us, and, with many other people as well.

17 Let us leave the field of art, and, let us come back to the common experience, that, in a complex society, most people undergo, or, actively work towards some sort of a specialisation of their skills. This specialisation culminates in the possession of a trade or profession, where people have to find "a job", or, have to be able to market their skills to such an extent, that they can secure a livelyhood. This process of functional specialisation and the development of a professional skill, leads, frequently, to a position, where the professional is obliged to work and live in an environment that is not entirely to his liking. Many specialised skills and professions require an urban environment in order to be marketable, and, many people do not particularly like such an urban environment.

18 Even those, who do not develop a specialised and recognised skill, may still have to be in contact with a variety of people they normally would have little contact with, and, such contacts, in particular, when their livelyhood depends upon it, constitute a form of stress. I am thinking, here, about sales-people, who have to contact a large number of reluctant clients and push their merchandise. Such people are caught between the employer who wants his products sold, and their clients, who often abuse, at least, to some extent, a position of power, because they know, that the salesman has to have their cooperation in order to survive. We are not even talking, here, about the many instances, where the salesman has to bribe his clients with gifts and parties, or, outright kick-backs, which constitute an illegal "commission".

19 Similarly, the work of diplomats, as well as other people in the field of mediation who have chosen as their career to smooth-over ruffled feelings and suspicious attitudes, becomes "hard work", meaning, that a form of chronic stress is involved in this sort of contact. It involves, therefore, a situation of stress and skill, where careful behaviour and lots of smiles, create, laboriously, a tentative atmosphere of good-will, or, at least, the acceptance of a line of communication.

20 In short, many people in a complex society, communicate and have contacts with a large variety of people on a professional basis, and not on the basis of personal likes or dislikes. Such a forced contact is, on the one hand, a very valuable learning experience, because it exposes us to a much wider variety of people than we would normally come in contact with, but, on the other hand, these contacts are often stressful and require periods of rest and relaxation, in order to regenerate energies and rejuvenate ideas, as well as a measure of resilience.

21 In a complex society with task-differentations and specialisations in function, most people learn to communicate with a large variety of personalities, but, these contacts are largely "business-like"; limited to a shared interest. Or, they are artificially flavoured with an atmosphere of congeniality by providing special benefits, such as gifts or entertainment, if someone's cooperation has to be "bought" during the conclusion of a business deal. The underlying orientation remains egocentric, and, in stead of a cooperation or communication between people who have genuinely started to like and respect each other, we see, that the relationships remain, by and large, calculating and manipulative.

22 Clever psychological insights, as well as the ability to get other people to cooperate, is financially highly rewarded in the world of business, but, in essence, it remains an egocentric, manipulative transaction with many under-tones of resentment and cynicism, as anyone finds-out, who falls for the clever and smooth talk of a skilled sales person. We all experience, therefore, a chronic form of stress, whether we are hood-winked by clever talk, or, have to do the hood-winking ourselves. This chronic stress is the result of a vast area of inter-personal contacts, made necessary by the obligations of our profession or our job. This chronic stress has to be relieved, and, we choose a variety of ways to achieve this relaxation.

23 Only a small minority will choose the artistic or reflective method, where we engage in some form of art, or, where we read and study about a subject we have focussed our attention upon. Most of us sooth our chronic tensions and frustrations by relaxing at home, or in a pub, with a few good friends, or in comforting family-surrounding, where the social inter-actions become a form of relaxation and support, rather than one of effort and stress, or "work". Or, we engage in a series of physical activities, such as a sport, a walk, a drive, a boat-ride, or, we find our relaxation in a hobby; wood- or metal-working; making a collection of one sort or another, the playing of an instrument, or we listen to music and read a book.

24 We all are inclined to sooth frustrations in a more physical sense as well, such as eating or drinking, the use of tobacco and alcohol, or the search for "entertainment" of one sort or another. Social contacts, even, with relatives and friends, often, lead to chronic tensions, which have to be relieved in one way or another. Some of us are "lucky"(?) enough to find our relaxation in some sort of artistic endeavour, be it music, writing, painting or some other form of art. Some of us find a measure of relaxation by cultivating, consciously, the ability to think about and analyse the feelings and thoughts that are coming to the fore, when we feel a sense of loneliness, a moment of reflective thought, or a twinge of nostalgic sentiments.

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Chapter 3

Content

The functions of "stress".
The stress of loneliness is mild, and, sometimes, even, somewhat pleasant.
Nostalgic reminiscences are used to experience happiness, now; not to reflect, as accurately as possible, on past events.
Taking stock of the options at our disposal when reviewing a difficult situation.
Resolute decisions are not always the best.
Sometimes, it is advantageous to "stall for time".
Excercising our "free will".
We have to learn to accept responsibilities, and shoulder a certain amount of stress.
The loneliness of leadership.
When leadership becomes a nearly impossible task.
Input from the membership may assist the task of making viable leadership decisions.
Institutions of a democratic social environment.
The obligation to accept the results of "free and fair elections".
Principles of the democratic contract of essential equality.
When a leadership becomes extremely defensive.
A "revolving of elites".
Why we need smoothly operating Constitutional Mechanisms.
Responsibilities for leaders and members.
The disruptive influence of special-interest groupings.
A leadership should be able to tolerate complete freedom of expression.
The formidable task of creating a manageable synthesis from chaos and confusion.
A viable political leadership is continuously in contact with the members of society.
A constant stream of communications has to take place between a leadership and its subjects.
There is always something to learn.
There are always people around us with whom we have something in common.

1 Certainly, you are quite right, when you argue that nature's reasons for providing us with these feelings of loneliness, reflection and nostalgia, can not be the purpose of an artistic or philosophical stimulus, because most of us, ordinary people, will never cultivate our awarenesses to the point of creating master-pieces that will be admired by others. Why then, are we experiencing these feelings? How do we cope with them, and, what use do they have for the average individual? Or, do we have to accept them, merely, as a form of stress; as a form of psychological "pain", just as our body has to suffer and endure physical pain, if it encounters a force that is stronger than it can comfortably cope with?

2 Yes, indeed, it seems reasonable to see the component of stress as a common denominator in these feelings, but, we should emphasise the fact, that the level of stress is relatively mild. Rarely do we experience loneliness or nostalgia to such a severe degree, that we would call it "suffering", and, if our emotions are that intense, we usually see a measure of abnormality or subjective exaggeration at work.

3 The stress of loneliness and nostalgia is, indeed, quite mild, and, it is characterised by the fact, that we "miss something". We miss the company of certain people, or the companionship of a group of intimate friends we belonged to, and, we reflect with a sense of sadness on the "good old days", not realising, that we have already initiated this typical mechanism of a "nostalgic mood", where we idolise the memories of the past.

4 The recall of memories during a mood of nostalgia has nothing to do with a specific attempt to reflect, as accurately as possible, on the events, happenings and personalities of the past. We are, primarily, interested in feeling "happy", now, in the present, and, we try to evoke such a happy mood by reviewing the pleasurable and memorable moments of the past, including the personalities as we like to remember them. But, you may ask, again, what the purpose is of such rose-coloured, nostalgic memories, or, is the purpose, simply, to indulge ourselves? By withdrawing from a drab and disappointing reality of the present into an idealised and pleasant past, we "escape" from a stressful reality, and, therefore, the feeling of loneliness as a "mild stress" and the experience of "nostalgia" as a relaxation of this stress, tend to cancel each other.

5 Nostalgic reminiscences seem, indeed, primarily, an act of indulgence, and, apart from "feeling good", and escaping from a contemporary reality, we do not seem to get any significant or lasting benefits from it. However, let us emphasise the fact, that nostalgia is not the same as an act of reflection, because, in a mood of reflection, we may not look at all nostalgically at the past, but, we may soberly think about the conditions of the present, and, we review, with a critical and somewat anxious mood, the happenings and events, which led to the situation we find ourselves in.

6 If we come to the conclusion, that we would like to discuss our thoughts with someone else, and, if we lack the ability to clarify our thoughts and impressions by talking with other people, we may feel a sense of loneliness and sadness, as we ponder the degree of isolation we find ourselves in. However, in stead of becoming depressed, discouraged or anxious by these feelings, we may try to control the sense of loneliness and nostalgia. We may "take stock", and consider, what options are available to us, and, perhaps, we may, even, be able to tap a hidden source of energy and confidence, as we realise, that we will have to make decisions and take measures on our own, and, that these decisions are going to be crucially important for our future well-being.

7 Nevertheless, we are in a state of increased stress, perhaps, even, in a minor crisis, and, we will benefit from the experience that we have to rely upon our own resources. Nevertheless, it is always possible, that we are going to squander our time and dream futile dreams about the past; how pleasant it would be to have help, or to be able to call-upon someone else.

8 Yet, a resolute decision about what to do is not always the best response, because, if the negative and positive factors that go into a decision, are balanced, the decision is not clear-cut, and, we feel that it is a gamble, regardless what we do or decide. Then, it may be worthwhile to stall for time; to avoid making a decision as long as we can, in the hope that, soon, the situation will change sufficiently to allow us to make a decisive behavioural choice with more confidence.

9 There is a significant difference, however, between a deliberate stalling for time, when a behavioural choice looks risky and arbitrary, and the inability to make a decision, when we know that the right decision is going to be painful and difficult. Reflection can never be a substitute for a resolute response, whenever such an opportunity or necessity presents itself, but, careful thought and reflection may help us to choose, not only, the best possible response under the circumstances, but also, the best possible moment to make this response.

10 Without experiencing, from time to time, this sense of loneliness, this awareness of ourselves as a thinking and fragile individual, and, without experiencing the need to make decisions for ourselves and excercising the faculty of our "free will", our dependence upon others remains too great. We remain too vulnerable, and, we fail to grow-up and shoulder our fair share of the responsibilities and the decision-making processes that have to be carried-out in every social environment. If we remain frightened to accept this responsibility; if we refuse to shoulder a measure of stress, or, if we shy-away from making a commitment, our personality remains somewhat stunted, and, we fail to take part in the leadership responsibilities of our community, even, if it is only the leadership over our family and dependents, or, the leadership over the contradictory trends and impulses of our own personality.

11 This brings us to the fact, that, indeed, the sense of loneliness, as well as the need to engage in reflective thought, is, probably, far more likely to be stimulated in people who have acquired, or, who have been given, a position of responsibility, compared to those, who are happy to receive guidance and leadership, nearly continuously, throughout their lives. A position of leadership and responsibility means, that one has to make decisions for a number of people, and, this brings the added difficulty and burden of monitoring and coping with the conflicting interests and demands made by people under one's leadership.

12 While there is, usually, no difficulty to get a variety of opinions about what should be done from those who consider themselves to be competent advisors, the input from a variety of opinions is rarely a coherent and practical body of advice, and, it is still the responsibility of a leader to carefully scrutinise this input, and, to synthesise a response that will be useful and acceptable to a majority of the people. When the community or society becomes larger, it becomes more difficult to find a common ground and synthesise a coherent response from the divergent opinions and demands of the various sub-groupings, and, it becomes, then, increasingly more important, that the leadership has the ability, and the power, to persuade the people to go along with its decisions, and, if necessary, a leadership has to have the means to suppress rebellious elements within the social environment.

13 This input from the people has been institutionalised, at least, to some extent, in the principle of the "democratic vote", where each citizen has been given a franchise to contribute his or her vote in such a way, that one can not be discriminated against, or put under pressure, for the way the vote has been cast. As long as we do not have the power in society to curb the practices of unfair pressures or subtle reprisals, whenever an individual has voted against the wishes of his or her social surroundings, we have no choice, but to keep the voting procedure strictly secret. However, this is not the ideal situation, because, as we have argued before, a society should be open, and, everyone's opinions, or way of voting, should be common knowledge, and, people should learn to accept responsibility for the way they vote, just as people have to accept responsibility for the decisions they have made.

14 In the principle of "one man, one vote", or, rather, "one individual, one vote", (because it is obvious, that women should have an equal right to vote), we see, in essence, some sort of a contractual agreement. The society, including the leadership, accepts the responsibility to abide by a majority decision, provided, of course, that the voting and the vote-counting procedures have been caried-out with scrupulous honesty and fairness. On the other hand, the members of society have also the obligation to accept the results of a fair and free election, and, the leadership resulting from such an election has to be accepted by everyone, even, by those, who did not vote for the leadership, or, who have a difficult time agreeing with its policies and decisions.

15 We have recalled these principles of the democratic contract, because it shows, clearly, how these practices can alleviate the problems of the essential loneliness associated with a position of leadership and power, and, the democratic principles can also provide an important avenue of activities for those members of society, who feel that they may be able to make a contribution to public office. Without such a contractual agreement, the leadership would not be obliged to listen to a majority of the people, and, the people would not be able to get rid of a leadership that had lost the confidence of the majority.

16 A leadership that has lost the confidence of a majority of the people, becomes extremely defensive, fortifying its position with favouritisms, elevating, artificially, into a position of power, those, who swear an unthinking and blind loyalty to the leadership, and, from here, it is a small step to the establishment of a military dictatorship, which is, in essence, the abuse of military power and armed force for the private and egocentric purposes of excercising political power and control. The leadership provides the funds, as well as the military hardware for the military personel under its control, and, the armed forces become, then, a private army for a corrupt and unwanted leadership. Indirectly, this hired, private army fortifies the unjust and exploitative social structure upon which a dominant elite depends for the maintenance of its position of power and privilege.

17 Even, a revolution by the "masses", or the proletariat, tends to end-up in a similar situation of repression, especially, if the revolutionary elite remains very suspicious of its traditional enemies; the reactionary establishment of the former society. A powerful elite, be it a revolutionary, political elite, or, a reactionary, land or property-owning aristocracy, will, eventually, find itself in a defensive corner, where it occupies a position of power without the mechanisms to establish a smooth transition towards a more representative leadership.

18 While a vigilant, hard-working and intelligent revolutionary leadership may remain popular, and in touch, with the people of society for quite some time, eventually, the processes of "social ageing" and complacency put an ever greater strain upon the relationships between the people and the ruling, revolutionary elite, and, fortunate, indeed, is the society that has a smoothly operating Constitutional Mechanism, because it can, then, replace an ageing leadership with a new one, that is better in tune with the needs of society and the aspirations of the majority.

19 In order to make such a beneficial form of leadership possible, we will have to break-through this essential loneliness that comes with a leadership based on power, rather than on popular consent. But, again, let us look at the obligations of the democratic franchise from all sides. Let us demand, not only, that a leadership adheres scrupulously to the rules of democratic elections, but, let us also acknowledge, that a democracy is impossible, and doomed to failure, if the members of society do not adhere, equally scrupulously, to their obligations and responsibilities. These responsibilities are not limited to the obligation to accept and support the authority and legitimacy of a democratically elected leadership, regardless, how much we may disagree, or, even, despise its actions and its personalities, but, we have also the obligation, as citizens of a democratic society, to make sure, that the power and influence of the members of society remain equally and fairly distributed.

20 As we have argued before, this means, that the power of special-interest groupings, such as professional organisations, labour-unions or business cartels, as well as large business monopolies, has to be curtailed, because these special-interest groupings tend to destroy the essential democratic equality of the members in society. This democratic equality should, therefore, be carefully protected by legislation, in order to ensure, that the power of a group does not lead to an excessive influence in society or upon the leadership. Such special-interest groupings should certainly never be allowed to hold a society to ransom with the power to "strike", or, to withold essential services from the community, its government, or the people.

21 A competent, beneficial, democratic leadership, well-guided and protected by far-reaching and far-sighted Constitutional Guidelines, can afford to let the people speak their minds, and have their say in many important decisions in the form of public referenda, but, if the voice of the people becomes fragmented and contradictory, this leadership has still the responsibility to create a manageable synthesis from the chaos and confusion. The legitimately elected leadership has also the responsibility, and the obligation, to make sure, that its best possible decisions and decrees are duly executed, scrupulously enforced, and carefully monitored, in order to make sure, that the measures taken, have, indeed, the intended impact and the desired effects. Then, a leadership is continuously in contact with the people it leads, and, such a leadership listens, not only, to its sentiments and wishes, its feelings and demands, but, also, to its complaints about injustices and wrong-doings. Such a leadership will heed complaints about bureaucratic inefficiencies, or, the un-intentional and harmful side-effects of a well-intended policy or decree.

22 What applies to the leadership of a large society, applies, also, to the leadership in a small community, a family, or, even, one's own personality. As we have seen, a single personality can be considered as a large chorus of divergent, contradictory and somewhat confusing trends, tendencies, aspirations and desires. Fortunately, the need for complex, bureaucratic channels falls largely away in the management of our personality, because our physiological capabilities are sufficient to review and monitor such a small-scale, personal leadership. We can know, personally, the individuals in a small community or a family, and, we should be able to acknowledge, honestly, the many contradictory forces at work within our own personality.

23 However, a process of continuous monitoring, a careful scrutiny of all available feed-back, a patient process of clear thought and careful evaluation of all the factors involved, should enable us to come to a sensible, intelligent and reasonable decision, and, we should be able to bring-up the will-power and the fortitude of character to stick with our decisions and implement them; at least, until we have good evidence for the conclusion, that our decisions were wrong, and, that our plans are not going to work.

24 We see, therefore, that competent, sensitive and democratic leadership is not as lonely and frightening as a defective leadership that is based on power alone. In a good and beneficial leadership, there is a constant stream of communications taking place between the leadership and its subjects, and, there is always something to learn; something to consider, or something to pay attention to, and talk about. So it is, too, with a concerned, considered and careful human being, because, even, in a situation of apparent loneliness, an individual can usually engage in a dialogue, if he wishes to do so.

25 We can open a dialogue with ourselves in a process of thought, reflection and re-evaluation, and every individual can seek advise from other people, or from books and other records of the cultural pool, which are available in his particular environment. Even, if an individual feels lonely or abandoned, because the people he or she trusts are not available, there are, almost always, other people around, even, if they are strangers. Let us never forget, that we have more in common with others than we think, and, we can often establish quite useful and sensible contacts, in particular, if we learn to be less introvert and more sensitive to the concerns and needs of those, who are, in essence, strangers.

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Chapter 4

Content

The feelings of loneliness are somewhat illusory, even, if they represent a subjective reality.
Secretly indulging in a measure of self-pity.
People may get irritated with a persistently egocentric orientation.
When we are pre-occupied with our particular concerns.
When we are a stranger in our social environment.
Immigrants are, often, "cultural hybrids".
An above average ability to observe with a detached attitude.
The traits that are shared by many different cultures.
An essential loneliness and an "opaque" personality make us a target for incomprehension and suspicion.
Learning to hide our "strangeness" under an affable veneer.
A keen awareness for the possibilities opened-up by a new social environment.
Immigrants are often supremely competent people.
Children from immigrants.
The background of exceptional achievers has, often, a history of recent migration or immigration.
"Immigration" within a national entity, by migrating from one cultural milieu to another.
A country with a regular influx of immigrants has a tendency to develop a variety of "ethnic centers".
A broad cultural exposure lies at the root of beneficial attitudes and competent skills.
The fruits of cultural cross-fertilisation are represented by an increase in tolerance and understanding.
"Cultural mixing" is not easily accomplished, and, it is often a painfully slow process.
The "forced cultural mix".
Cultural mixing is speeded-up by sharing adversities.
The need for cultural mixing on a global scale.
Standardising educational programs.
The difference between "making friends", and the ability to have wide-ranging contacts.
Mechanisms of natural hierachical positioning.
The strongest bonds of friendship are welded during adolescence.
An emphasis on "acquaintances", later in life.
A period of instability and uncertainty leads to an intensified desire for contacts with relevant people.
It is better to let fading friendships slip, rather than hang-on to them.

1 Perhaps, it is indeed justified to consider the feelings of loneliness as somewhat illusory; as somewhat useless and introvert. Yet, you may argue, that such a judgement does not make them less real; at least, these feelings are real as a subjective experience. "You may not agree with the reality of my sensations, but, for me, they are certainly real", you will argue.

2 True, and I mean by "illusory", not so much, that we do not really experience them, but, that we tend to give them too much weight. Often, the feeling of being lonely is not really an acknowledgement that we miss something or someone's company, which can be real enough, but a secret or hidden indulgence in a measure of self-pity. We may secretly enjoy feeling a little sorry for ourselves, and, we are easily inclined to use these feelings of mild discomfort as an excuse for a lessened performance of our tasks and obligations; or, we may give-in to a temptation to withdraw from others, feeling "hurt" or "un-understood", while, in essence, the people around us understand us quite well, but are getting a little irritated with a persistently egocentric orientation of our attitudes and outlook.

3 If our feelings of loneliness are, indeed, based upon a pre-occupation with our particular concerns, as well as a lessened interest in what others around us may think and experience, then, these feelings become useless, and, they are a sign of an unhealthy level of introversion. Very likely, we are not going to benefit from such experiences, because the attitudes of self-pity prevent us from learning about ourselves and shaking ourselves loose from these doldrums.

4 However, if we feel lonely, because we miss the familiar surroundings of our youth, in particular, if we are now living amongst a people and a culture that is quite different from the way we grew-up, it is logical, that we feel to be "a stranger" in our new environment, even, if the people around us have done their best to welcome us and have treated us fairly. We can not avoid being reminded, from time to time, about this gap in experiences between ourselves and the people we live amongst. Even, if we have learned the language of the new country or community, which we, as immigrants have adopted as our new homeland, we still feel, that there is always a gap between ourselves and the "natives"; those, who have been born in the society we now live in.

5 As immigrants, we have become "cultural hybrids". We have absorbed a great deal of the culture and the ways of life of our new country, and, we have noted some of the follies and failures of this new culture as well. At the same time, we have retained large parts of the cultural heritage we were born into. Yet, this cultural heritage of our origin has not been sustained. We have lost active contact with this culture for many years. On the on hand, we tend to idealise those features of the culture of our youth, which have made a great impression upon us, and for which we have not found a substitute in our new social surroundings. However, we have also learned to see the many specifics of various cultures and societies in a much broader perspective, in particular, the attitudes towards others and the likes and dislikes of people, and, we have become somewhat sceptical for any "absolute values" or sacred opinions and attitudes, regardless, where such truths are claimed to have been found.

6 As a result, we do not fit-in very well, anywhere, because we have been too broadly exposed to cultural diversities to accept anything or any particular values or opinions as unquestionable truths, and, if one can not accept anything as unquestionable, one is not welcome. To be a "cultural hybrid" means, therefore, that there is an essential loneliness in our existence, and, the fact, that we do not identify, wholeheartedly, with any particular culture, together with its unquestioned values and truths, makes us a target for an attitude of incomprehension and suspicion.

7 As a rule, cultural hybrids have sufficient intelligence and sophistication in their dealings with other people to keep relationships smooth and avoid an open confrontation. However, it is very rare, that first generation immigrants into a society with a different culture and a foreign language, will become sufficiently adapted to their new social surroundings to become politically active, unless their political activities are related to one's ethnic origins.

8 Immigrants are, often, supremely successful as individuals, either, in a profession, a trade or a business. This may be, in part, the result of a superior education and training they received in their country of origin, but, it is more likely to be the result of a superior motivation and a willingness to work hard and seize opportunities as they come along. Such a keen awareness for the possibilities that are opened-up in their new home-land, contrasts sharply with the somewhat dull outlook of people, who have never left their village. The extra level of stress that was involved in the process of immigration, the learning of a new language, as well as the sustained effort to build-up a career of some sort, builds character, and makes these people better equipped to cope with all sorts of problems.

9 The off-spring of immigrants are, often, quite successful themselves, because they have absorbed a healthy dose of common-sense from their home environment, including a willingness to work hard and the ability to look and plan ahead. In contrast to their parents, the children of immigrants get their schooling in the new home-land. They speak the language without an accent, and, they often acquire the financial security, as well as the energy and wisdom, to become civic and political leaders. These children are not really cultural hybrids anymore, because the level of cultural absorption from "the old country" is minimal and usually reflects, only, a few customs and attitudes, which they have taken over from their immigrant parents.

10 Because immigrant children receive their entire education in the new country, which often has multi-cultural features, they are less "lonely", more in tune with their environment, and, they do not have to overcome a significant gap in culture and living conditions, which the immigrant generation has to overcome at an adult age. In addition, the immigrant parents are usually above average in intelligence and stability of attitudes and work habits, and, this provides an advantage to their off-spring, because many of the more talented off-spring from the native population have to cope with broken homes, undisciplined parental behaviour, drug or alcohol abuse, as well as somewhat defective habits and personality characteristics. Of course, there are many exceptions, and we will certanly not imply, that parents of talented off-spring are always immigrants, but, it is remarkable to see, how often the background of exceptional achievers has a recent history of immigration.

11 In the large, multi-cultural societies, we see a somewhat similar mechanism, if people, born and brought-up in a particular segment or culture, leave this cultural environment later in life, and settle into a totally different region of the same country. However, the differences with a true immigration into a foreign country remain profound, as the overall political leadership and the bureaucratic channels remain the same, regardless, where a citizen in a large, multi-cultural society establishes him- or herself.

12 In the case of an immigration, an individual, or a whole family, applies for permission to leave one country and enter a totally different one. Upon arrival in the new country, an immigrant and his family are truly strangers in a foreign land, and, while the immigration procedure and the official approval for such an immigration entitle an immigrant to legal rights and, often, to government assistance to bridge the difficult initial period of adjustment, we should not under-estimate the magnitude of this transitional period

13 Often, it takes a number of years, before the immigrant can become a full-fledged citizen of his new country, and, the period of adjustment, the difficulties of learning a new language, new customs and a new social environment, are so severe, that success is, usually, only possible, if the immigrant and his family are absorbed by a community that is largely made-up of former compatriots. Not surprisingly, a country with a regular influx of immigrants develops a variety of "ethnic centers", and the immigrants tend to be absorbed, at least, in the intial phase, by an appropriate ethnic center of their country of origin.

14 While the phenomenon of becoming a "cultural hybrid" explains the success, as well as the sense of loneliness and isolation, of many immigrants and culturally displaced people, we should not consider this sense of loneliness as a negative or undesirable feature. On the contrary, a broad cultural exposure lies at the root of the beneficial attitudes and skills that make an immigration a success, and, the leadership of a large federation of culturally diverse, ethnic groupings or societies, should, and, often does encourage the intermingling of cultures; or, rather, the thorough exchange of ideas, as well as the intermingling of people who come from different cultural backgrounds.

15 The fruits of cultural cross-fertilisation are an increase in tolerance and understanding, and these benefits outweigh, by far, the initial frictions and hostilities that are always generated, if culturally diverse peoples are forced to live closely together. Yet, it would be a mistake to think, that a forced cultural intermingling is an easy and quick solution to solve the problems of mutual suspicion and conflict. A truly thorough cultural mixing is not easily accomplished on a voluntary basis; not, even, by an official decree, or a deliberate policy of bi-culturalism or bi-lingualism, but, cultural intermingling is, usually, the result of a severe and intense conflict, where the cultures of the conqueror and the conquered are forced to blend together and live in harmony, after many decades of strife. Finally, if the living conditions have become so precarious, that they demand a peaceful co-existence, the feelings of suspicion and hostility may give-way to more tolerant attitudes, especially, if the children of diverse cultural groupings are going to school together and absorb an essentially similar "cultural mix".

16 As we have argued before, this drastic, costly, and, initially, painful mechanism of the "forced cultural mix" is becoming unacceptable, because of the intolerable costs of devastation and suffering that are associated with the warfare that precedes a forced political unity. If we look at the need for cultural mixing on a global scale, we come to the conclusion, that there is no alternative to a voluntary decision to merge and absorb each other's cultural traits, regardless, how slow and difficult such a process will be. This process of cultural mixing or integration may be facilitated by a deliberate decision to equalise the educational programs in many countries, after the political and Constitutional Guidelines of a truly democratic society have been accepted by a great majority of nations all over the world.

17 Let us come back to the immigrant. Does this mean, that a "cultural hybrid" finds it more difficult to make friends, in particular, if he or she immigrates to a new country at a later age? Or, does it mean, that a broadened cultural exposure, together with an increased self-confidence, (which is inevitably the result of having conquered significant hurdles during one's life and career), lead to a greater ease in communicating with a large variety of people? Probably, both mechanisms are at work, and, we see, that, indeed, for most people, not only, for cultural hybrids, the role and meaning of friendship changes somewhat as one gets older.

18 We have seen from our reflections about the development of the human personality, that an infant and a young child are totally dependent upon the protection, nourishment and comfort they receive from their immediate social environment, such as the small group of parents, siblings and close relatives who share the responsibility of looking after a child and bringing it up. As a child grows older and learns to communicate with others, it forms many, somewhat temporary bonds between friends, siblings and peers. As a rule, contacts take place between members of the same generation, but, we see, that these bonds form, brake and reform, as frequent quarrels and disputes may interrupt the periods when children get along with each other.

19 Because of the rapidly developing personalities, the contacts are straightforward and direct, and, children get along, as long as they can feel a benefit when doing so; as long as their attention is held by a common game or adventure, but, as soon as egocentric drives and desires clash, we see periods of friction or outright "combat". We see, also, how the biologically aroused and inherited instincts of hierarchical positioning play a role in defining many potential conflicts, as well as bonds of friendship.

20 A child recognises, automatically and subconsciously, when it lacks a capability, a measure of confidence, or a skill, and, it will gladly submit to the leadership of an older friend or sibling, as long as it can recognise, intuitively, that it benefits, to some extent, from such an act of submission.

21 By the same token, children learn to excercise and develop their capabilities and their leadership qualities by taking younger or less experienced play-mates under their wings. They also learn, quickly, that they have to lead in the true sense of the word; that they have to care and look after those, who have entrusted themselves to their leadership, and, they learn, that a failure to do so, or, a ruthless exploitation of a position of power and leadership, will quickly lead to a "rebellion", where the younger play-mates leave or abandon "the leader", and look for a more congenial personality to play with.

22 These mechanisms have been discussed extensively before, and, we remind ourselves about these mechanisms, because we want to discuss the nature of the many forms of friendship we can see develop between children, adolescents, young adults or older people. The quickly forming and breaking bonds beween young children, give-way, at least, in most cases, to a more select, small group of compatible friends, where disputes and frictions may still arise from time to time, but, most members of such a small goup recognise, intuitively, the value of preserving their bonds of friendship, and, they will settle disputes amicably; by talking them over and correct incidences of injustice. When such a group of friends goes through life, year after year, sharing their many adventures, their common goals and their small disappointments and tragedies, strong bonds are indeed welded, which, usually, last a life-time, unless the adolescents move far away from each other.

23 Not surprisingly, then, we see, that, during adolescence, especially in high-school and college, the strongest and most durable friendships are formed. These young people are in their most effusive and expansive phase, and, there is usully a shared series of common adventures, goals, study-objectives, or other achievements in sports or the arts, which tie them closely together.

24 Very rarely is it possible for adults, much later in life, to form friendships that are just as firm as those of youngsters and young adolescents. The reasons are quite clear and easy to understand. As we grow older, we bcome more set in our ways. We get married, and the primary source of comrade-ship and shared adventures and experiences, is found within the bonds of a durable marriage. In particular, if a young couple immigrates soon after it has been married, it becomes extremely dependent upon each other.

25 Old friendships fade-away, and a chronic sense of loneliness and stress is compensated by a more intense bond of appreciation and understanding for each other. In particular, if the years after an immigration are spent in different locations, often as a result of business or professional requirements, no firm friendships are formed anymore. However, a broad education and culturally widened horizons lead to an easy contact with many different people, but, these contacts are more superficial, limited to shared interests and activities of the moment, and, deeper discussions about personal problems, or, even, the showing of fears and doubts and other emotions, are suppressed in the frequent but superficial contacts between "acquaintances".

26 A few friendships from younger years may persist, in spite of the difficulties of large distances and infrequent contacts, but, no strong bonds of friendships are made, except, perhaps, during a period of crisis or profound change. If a marriage brakes-up, it is logical, that the partners seek other bonds to satisfy their physical and emotional needs, but, often, the search seems endless, and the results do not seem as satisfactory as the friendships formed during the happier years of late childhood and early adolescence.

27 It is logical, that any marked change in living conditions, a move to a new location, or a change in profession and life-style, open-up a period of flux and uncertainty, which leads to an intensified desire for contacts with relevant people. Yet, after stability and a routine life-style return, these contacts often crumble again, because the differences in the way of living between those "friends of the moment" turn-out to be quite significant.

28 If friends do not share a regular activity, truly enjoyed by both sides, then, the raison d'etre of the friendship starts to disappear. Discussions or exchanges of opinion start to stagnate, as one knows, but, only, partly understands or agrees with each other's points of view. Slowly, the friendship deteriorates, and both partners feel like strangers in each other's company. Ironically, they would probably get much better along, if they would let their contacts slip, naturally, and see each other, indeed, as casual acquaintances.

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Chapter 5

Content

Loneliness and old-age.
A combination of mental and physical success; our "social prime".
The social "apogee" and the period of maximum achievement may not co-incide.
Somewhat vague concepts.
Let us forget the dreamers and the drifters.
When we become "conservative" and less flexible.
Even a philosopher gets old and tired.
The need to consolidate.
A situation of stress may easily slide from an exciting challenge to a wearying entrapment.
The many advantages of recognising our limitations.
Curbing ambitious objectives to realistic levels.
Stress aggravates the processes of ageing and decline.
A wise society has recognised the possibilities, as well as the limitations, associated with the natural life-cyle of its citizens.
Preparing for a frugal but satisfying life-style.
A condition of near self-sufficiency.
The accent has to remian on the ability to save money and stretch a modest cash-income.
The regular routine of a "retired" life-style.
A sense of loneliness will inevitably overtake us, from time to time.
A few personal thoughts.

1 Is it inevitable, that our feelings of loneliness increase when we get older, and lose some of our physical and mental abilities? Will the ability to make or maintain friendships decline all-together? When do we "get old"? Strictly speaking, we are getting older all the time, from the moment we are born, but, we reserve the term "ageing" for the period of our life when we are past our prime, and, when physical abilities, and, later, mental faculties start to decline. When does this decline take place, and, why are the processes of physical and mental decline not occurring simultaneously?

2 Indeed, we have to be able to answers such questions, if we want to talk, seriously, about the processes of ageing, but, it is difficult to define, exactly, when we are in our prime. Probably, our physical "apogee" is reached during our early twenties, but, the exact duration and occurrence vary remarkably, and are influenced by many factors. There are external factors, such as the circumstances of existence and living habits, which have worked together to bring us into a certain state of health, but, there are also constitutional factors, which determine, to a large extent, whether or not we are healthy, how we are built, and what we look like. Besides, our physical capabilities are strongly influenced by our mental state, as well as our drives and motivations, and, let us consider this whole complex of physical and mental capabilities together as a reflection of the "social success" that has been achieved. Let us call this combination of mental and physical success, our "social prime".

3 Under "social prime" we take the period of maximum expansion in a social career or position as the criterium for determining the occurrence of a social prime, but, on occasion, we see, that such a social prime may occur at an advanced age, even, close to death. For example, in certain societies, it takes a life-time of dedication and hard work, as well as unswerving loyalty, to reach a top political position, and, it is unlikely, that such a period of top-leadership co-incides, indeed, with an optimum mental and social performance. However, in ordinary circumstances we consider the "social prime" the point in someone's career, where a maximum of energy and efficiency makes an individual highly valuable and successful in his particular career.

4 Here again, you may object, that this is a very vague definition, and, that many individuals never reach a clear-cut "social apogee". Their maximum point of achievement can only be determined in a retrospective study, and, even so, our judgements may change, as successive generations consider the past of a society and its members in a different light, compared to a contemporary judgement. What about those, who change careers, or, who never seem to accomplish the many goals they have set for themselves? Sometimes, an individual reaches a brief moment of glory and power, attention and financial success, more by a lucky co-incidence of the circumstances than by a combination of skill and hard work.

5 Indeed, the concept of a "social prime" is just as vague and difficult to delineate as any of the psychological or physiological parameters of an individual's life-span. However, I believe, that it is useful to consider the idea of a social prime, because it gives us a framework to classify the changing attitudes of an individual as he or she goes through life. Let us forget about the drifters, who never formulate any clear-cut ambitions or goals, and, who seem to wander throughout life without ever developing a fully matured personality, pursuing short-term, somewhat irrealistic, egocentric and short-sighted pleasures. Let us, also, forget the dreamers, who have so many ambitions, and, so many difficult goals, that they never seem to accomplish anyone of them.

6 It seems fair to state, that, most of the more intelligent people have enough ambition to formulate a definite plan for achievement, training, education or accomplishment, without being so rigid, that they collapse into a depressive mood of total failure, if they fall-short of their goals. The life-cycle of most people can, indeed, be described as a period of learning and ascendency into a trade or a profession, followed by a period, where the individual becomes an established, respected, and, perhaps, even, admired representative of a particular skill, profession, trade or function. The period of maximum efficiency and energy, where an individual is finely in tune with the requirements of his social environment, and, where such an individual has a keen appreciation for the fact, that he or she has reached a personal apogee, is a characteristic of full maturity and optimum integration, and, it can be called, with some justification, a "social prime".

7 After this, a period of slow decline sets in. We now become "conservative", trying to maintain our position as long as we can, and, we become more fully aware of the fact, that rapid changes in our field of expertise, as well as the social circumstances around us, are escaping us, and, we become somewhat defensive. Younger people start to challenge us. We notice a certain lack of flexibility, and, we become slower in learning new things. If our mastery depends on physical strength and agility, we will be much more keenly aware of our declining powers, compared to those, who have found their field of mastery and skill in an intellectual field.

8 Especially, if our mastery is situated in a field of broad concern and wide philosophical view-points, we may, even, think, perhaps erroneously, that our insights, grasp and mastery are increasing all the time, well into our later years, when, physically, we are obviously already declining. Even so, the philosopher will have to acknowledge, that there will come a period in his life, when, he too, feels somewhat tired. He, too, feels that he has said what he had to say, and, he starts to doubt, whether or not he can improve on the work he as done.

9 In short, regardless of our profession or activities, there comes a time for each and everyone of us, where we feel a need to consolidate. We know, that we have reached a limit, and, that it is unlikely, that we ever are going to break-through into new heights of intellectual or artistic accomplishments. Most of us understand this phenomenon, at least, intuitively, and, most of us realise, that it is foolish and short-sighted to deny the impending decline of our powers. If we fail to recognise this inevitable course of events, we become anxious and defensive, as we continue to load one stress after another upon our shoulders, without realising, that we are undermining the security of our existence, and, in particular, without ralising, that we can slide, quickly, from a situation where the stress is experienced as an exciting challenge, to a wearying form of entrapment, undermining our security, health and emotional stability.

10 If we fail to recognise, even, if it is only intuitively, that we have reached our apogee; that we are going to need a period of reduced stress, more relaxation, more insight, and more wisdom, we will quickly entrap ourselves in a situation, where our years of physical and mental decline will be associated with a chronically increasing stress-load. The quality of our life deteriorates then rather rapidly. However, if we are able to recognise, honestly and realistically, the normal course of physical and mental decline, most of us will have the ability, and the foresight, to compensate for a declining flexibility and stress-tolerance.

11 We will, then, adopt a life-style that is less stressful, less hectic, less turbulent or ambitious. Perhaps, we do not have to abandon our ambitions all-together, but, we have to adjust the scope of these amibitions and accept a more modest goal of accomplishment. Here, of course, a philosopher, as well as most artists and scientists are at an advantage, compared to those with athletic ambitions, because the quality of their work may improve with advancing years, as they learn to reflect, honestly and soberly, upon the passage of time, as well as their declining abilities and options. Such a reflection will make them less likely to squander their time, or, to dissipate their energies over too many fields, and, as a result, they accomplish their goals with a greater ease, resulting in a better quality of their products.

12 If our field of ambitions lies, primarily, in sports and athletics, we have already learned, years ago, that the apogee of achievement comes early, usually, before the age of thirty, and, occasionally, as late as the early fourties, but, even, if our field lies in an executive or political sphere, we notice, that, after the late forties or early fifties, the pressures and tensions of our work seem to "get to us", and, we feel tired and somewhat discouraged. Certainly, an occasional individual has a remarkable stamina, or, the circumstances are such, that he or she remains, for a long time, the proper individual at the right political or executive place, and, we see, occasionally, that a political or executive career can continue, or, even, take-off well in the late sixties or early seventies, when most people are ready to put their feet-up and take a snooze in the afternoon.

13 The point we want to make, here, is the fact, that most of us experience a definite high-point in our existence, and, if we do not anticipate the years of decline, and take appropriate measures to compensate for this decline, we will experience a bewildering and unsettling period, where we are increasingly subjected to stress. Everything we have worked for seems, then, to come-apart at the seams. These stresses will aggravate the processes of ageing and decline, in particular, if we give-in to the temptation to sooth our doubts, frustrations and tensions with a regular intake of alcohol and other drugs.

14 Occasionally, a benevolent and far-sighted society and its leadership recognise, clearly, this natural, biological progression of the life-cycle of the human being, and, then, most people will be protected by a pension and other social benefits, against the ravages of time, such as the occurrence of illnesses and problems undermining the well-being and security of individual members. Indeed, if we do not protect ourselves against the years of decline, our decline may be precipitous, and, our sense of failure, depression, futility and loneliness may reach the point, that they stirr-up thoughts of suicide.

15 Fortunately, most of us learn from our experiences, and, if the stresses are rapidly accumulating during the time of our decline, we will quickly move to protect ourselves from further follies and additional stresses. We reach a new equilibrium, and, we learn to accept, with sadness, a new status-quo, which may be considerably below the one we had reached only a few years before.

16 Anticipating a decline in our physical and mental powers, as well as a reduced ability to tolerate stress, should take the form of an efficient adaptation in our life-style. If we have the option to engage in less stressful work, free ourselves of any outstanding debts, reduce our cash-requirements, and start building-up an income from investments, we have already taken most of the measures that will ensure a healthy, happy and productive period of ageing in a Capitalist, free-enterprise society, and, if we have the good fortune to live in a society that looks reasonably well after its senior citizens, the period of ageing will be even more comfortable.

17 Let us look a little more in detail at the psychological adjustments we have to make as we grow older. As our family grows-up and the children become independent, we become naturally more free and less burdened with responsibilities, and, it pays, therefore, to have the fore-sight during our younger years, to plan having our family "in time"; nl, not "too late", so that our children have nearly grown-up by the time we feel the need to take it somewhat easier.

18 How we are going to take it easier, depends, of course, largely on what makes us relax and enjoy. The task to lessen our dependence upon a large cash-flow or cash-income, is, often, quite difficult, and, it seems to bring an added measure of stress, rather than a lessening of it, unless we re-think, very carefully, the way we live. Often, the solution can be found by giving-up a large, expensive, highly taxed urban or suburban property in favour of a much smaller, rural home, which we can repair and maintain ourselves. Here, I talk primarily from personal experience, but, it seems such a sensible thing to do, and, even, if one does not have a particular inclination to live in a rural area, or live "from the land", it seems eminently sensible in this era of high specialisation, to excercise one's abilities of versatility and learn a number of skills, which come-in handy; such as repairing or looking after an older home; to grow a vegetable garden, and to keep a few animals, like milking goats.

19 Not everyone would like to become a farmer, of course, and, it is certainly worthwhile to approach this transition-period from an urban to a rural existence, with a healthy attitude of caution and respect. It takes time to learn a number of skills, in particular, if one has not been exposed to rural life during childhood or adolescence, but, the rewards are remarkable. If one is careful with one's time, and, if one is careful to avoid being caught in an endless round of chores and drudgery, (which is nearly inevitable, if one chooses a life-style of near self-sufficiency), it is remarkable to see the quality life that is possible with a modest cash-income. However, let us never make the mistake to think that it is easy to "make money" with such a life-style of self-sufficiency. While it is possible to save money by living in a modest, older home that is modestly taxed; by carrying-out repairs and renovations ourselves, by growing and producing a significant amount of our food, it is not easy, and, indeed, it is quite difficult to sell any products for a reasonable price.

20 It is quite clear, that an efficient, mechanised society does not pay for time-consuming and labour-intensive farm-chores. The accent will have to remain on the ability to save money and stretch a modest supply of cash-income. However, if one has a modest income from a pension, a private investment, or any other source, it is amazing, how well one can live on this modest amount of money, in spite of continuing inflation. Yet, one has to remain vigilant, and, it remains necessary to look constantly for ways to cut expenses, without cutting into the quality of life.

21 If one considers as an essential ingredient of the quality of life, the ability to travel far and extensively, the costs are considerable, but, if one has developed the ability to be content and entertained at home, with an ample supply of books, records and other hobbies or musical instruments, it does not take too much money to live well. It used to be necessary to travel widely to be informed and up-to-date, but the media of mass-communication, short-wave radio, publications and other forms of disseminating information, knowledge and artistic endeavours, make it possible to be at the center of scientific and artistic development, as well as the news-events of the world, without leaving the comfortable surroundings of a rural home in a forgotten corner of one's social environment.

22 What about friends and relatives, you may ask? Indeed, visiting relatives, and, especially, children, who have grown-up and moved-away, remains an important way to keep contact. If one has moved to a rural area in order to seek a frugal life-style, it is logical, that, many acquaintances and friends from earlier years, as well as from the period of the social apogee, will fade somewhat, and, as we have seen, at an older age, we are inclined to make more casual contacts, rather than deep friendships. After all, our characters have been formed; we live a regular routine with our spouse and other close relatives. Our way of life is typically that of someone, who has "retired", and, it differs, therefore, essentially from the life-style of younger people, who are still struggling to reach their high point of social achievement and financial security.

23 As we grow older, it is inevitable, that a sense of loneliness will overtake us from time to time, in particular, if we reflect upon the past, look back upon our social and professional apogee, and, see that this period has passed for good. On the other hand, it is always possible to find something to do. I have embarked upon a long-term and ambitious program of writing essays. For this reason, I retired earlier than was necessary to accomodate for a decline in powers and an advancing age. I am retired, but, I still feel healthy and active, and, I am thoroughly enjoying an exploration of my writing abilities and the recording of my philosophical ideas, in spite of the fact, that, so far, my friends, relatives and more casual contacts do not seem to feel any particular affinity for my writings; nor, do they seem to be willing to make any effort to "plow" through my work.

24 I have, therefore, no idea, whether or not my writing will ever be useful to other people; whether or not my writing is of sufficient quality and depth to be read and remain a source of interest for future generations. However, I feel, that I have nothing to lose by trying. I am exploring new and original avenues of thought, and, it forms a close and harmonious bond with the life-style, which my family and I have chosen to lead, a number of years ago.

25 Besides, my writing is a perfect antidote for those moments of doubt, reflection and loneliness, which inevitably surface from time to time, when I ask myself, whether or not I am completely deluding myself with this constant, and, perhaps, even, somewhat obsessive program of writing; when I have to answer, honestly, the question, whether or not I am on a gigantic, but lonely, "ego-trip", as I pile-up one essay upon another. Indeed, I can not answer with any finality the question, whether or not it is merely an ego-trip. I do not know, whether or not I can make some sort of a contribution. I have to be patient and limit myself to doing my best, rather than worry about the potential value of my work.

.......

Chapter 6

Content

A loss of esteem and prestige.
Depressive reflections.
Natural corrections for an egocentric and erroneous approach to my ambitions.
What, really, constitutes a valid judgement of success?
Questions.
What matters, is the fact, that I did my best to record my thoughts and ideas.
We are not all that important for the generations that come after us.
The transience of individual existence has been the corner-stone for the evolution of life.
A sobering shift in accent.
Perhaps, success is to fade, anonymously, into oblivion without having caused too much harm to others or the environment.
A shift in objects of admiration.
Heroes of peace and tolerance.
Reflections about the ability to communicate with the countless people who have lived and thought before us, and, who have given us the tools of words and concepts.
The thoughts and judgements of the living generations are more important than being remembered as an artist or philosopher.
Nobody can go through life, without any regrets about the past.
Let us look at the strangers, who hurry by and pay us no attention.
Will they be belligerent soldiers, or political hot-heads?
We quickly forget the feelings of loneliness, if we think about the uncertain future of mankind.
Tempering the impulse to preach, and trying to understand more deeply.

1 Let us come back to the process of ageing, and, let us imagine to be in a state, which is, for me, still in the future. I am thinking about the time, that physical ailments or mental handicaps are starting to curtail my activities, as well as the ability to live a life-style of near self-sufficiency. Let me also imagine, that my writing abilities have petered-out, and, that nobody pays any attention to what I have written. I feel, that I have reached the end of my ability to make a mark, and, I am not going to write any better than I have done. On the contrary, my writing is probably deteriorating, now, and, I know, that I have fewer and fewer worthwhile ideas; "I have had my say", and yet, there seems to be an utter disregard and unconcern for the work I did.

2 Nobody even knows me, and, there is no-one who can pick-up my works, because nothing has been published. It slowly has dawned on me, that my environment has been considering me only as an eccentric recluse, who is, fortunately, rather harmless. I discover, that my prestige, even, in my own family, has sunk quite low, as most of them never understood, why I gave up a good practice in a medical specialty. "What for", they ask. "Was it really worthwhile to quit a medical career and write so many essays, nobody cares about and no-one will ever look at?"

3 My circle of friends has disappeared. I never really had many good friends, and, most of my isolation and loneliness is due to my own behaviour. If people bore me or disappoint me, in one way or another, I usually tell them, and, they stay away, then. Also, I never go out and visit others in an effort to refresh contacts, because I have given-up the idea of discussing my ideas with other people. Again, I know, that I should not blame anyone, but myself, because I get easily impatient and irritable, if people do not seem to understand. I have gotten tired of trying to explain, over and over again, a few basic principles of my way of looking at reality, because I notice, every time, that it seems impossible to get my view-points across.

4 Sure, it is a short-coming on my part, because it should be possible to teach someone almost anything, with patience, lucidity and authority, and, I know that I am falling-short on all three accounts. If such reflections or anticipations prove to be correct, when the time arrives that I am approaching old-age, infirmity and death, it would not be surprising, if I would have turned into a lonely, catankerous and eccentric old man, who has great difficulties communicating with others. Yet, it may not happen this way, because an excessive degree of irritability and frustration with my failure to have any response or success with my writings, reflects an erroneous and egocentric approach to my ambitions and goals.

5 Certainly, I would appreciate it very much, if it would be granted to me to see someone, or, at least, some groups of people become interested in what I have to say, but, I also remind myself, that I knew from the start, that such may not be the case. I have been well aware of the fact, right from the beginning when I started to sketch some ideas, that these writings may be too personal, too strange and different, too abstruse and abstract, to have any real relevance for the people around me. I may be convinced, that my ideas are quite sound, and not nearly as radical as they appear at first glance, and, I may be convinced, that the future course of human existence may create the experiences and condtions which will make my ideas highly relevant, but, it is very likely, that I will never know, whether or not my anticipations were correct.

6 Besides, what really is the judgement of success? Would I really be more successful, if I would experience a flurry of enthousiasm for my writings during my life-time? Would this guarantee any sort of understanding or influence of my ideas? Perhaps, my writings will never generate any enthousiasm, because the same ideas may have been expressed, much better and more clearly, before, or after, my efforts, and am I then a failure, because I did not write these ideas in a way that caught the imagination of the people? Does it really matter that "I" wrote these essays? Would I not be just as happy, if people read and understood my works or read and understood the same sort of ideas in other people's works, without ever giving a thought to my "personal existence"?

7 Why would my existence, really, be of any concern or importance to someone else? If I look around me, or, if I analyse, why I may be interested in one or other personality of the past, I discover, that such an interest is only awakened, if, somehow, the works of a particular individual have become relevant to me. What do I care about the life or existence of an individual in the past, if I have not been aroused by a particular work of art, or an important scientific contribution, or a philosophic insight? Even so, I enjoy a work of art, ponder about a particular scientific discovery, or reflect upon a number of ideas and thoughts, without really caring, whether I know, exactly, who contributed what.

8 No, it is really irrelevant, whether or not I am successful. It is really irrelevant, whether or not anyone is going to read me. What matters, is the fact, that I did my best to record my thoughts and ideas, so that, if anyone ever cares to see, whether or not I had anything worthwhile to say, there will be a number of records to browse through, providing the future reader with the possibility to recognise something relevant and valuable in these records. It does not matter, really, whether or not, the reader becomes interested in me; whether or not he or she remembers some of my thoughts without remembering, where they came from.

9 We have to relinquish the idea, that, we, as an individually existing human being, are all that important to the generations after us. Certainly, as an individual, we have all the rights and obligations of any human being who has been born into a humane and wise society, but, our desire to be successful, known, admired and respected, is nothing more than a psychological equivalent of our existential drive to maintain our existence as long as we can, and, gather a measure of power and influence at the same time. What matters, is the awareness, that the transience of personal existence has been the corner-stone for the evolution of life, including the development of human existence with its many contradictory abilities.

10 As we look back with a sense of awe at the faculties of the human mind, such as the ability to experience, think and reflect, we also contemplate, with awe, the potential for understanding and appreciation which is present in the unborn generations of mankind. Or, we look with a sense of wonderment at those, who are just starting to come into their own as talented, sensitive and intelligent youngsters, and, who are eager to take their place in the march of successive generations. Then, we may realise that "success" could mean, not just the measure of help and contribution we have been able to give these youngsters, but, also, the measure of restraint and self-discipline we have excercised during the brief period of our life, in order not to harm, in one way or another, the possibility of future generations to become healthy members of mankind.

11 It is sobering to shift the accent of success from an egocentric and somewhat primitive desire to be remembered and worshipped by future generations, (but, preferably, beginning during one's lifetime), to an accent upon not having harmed, in any significant way, the existence of other human life, or the terrestial environment upon which future generations will be just as dependent as we are. Perhaps, success is to fade anonymously and harmlessly into oblivion, and, success is, not to leave our children and future generations a chilling and repulsive dump of nuclear, toxic and industrial waste.

12 Success, is, not to have contributed to injustice and oppression; not to have consumed and polluted recklessly. Perhaps, future generations will erect a monument in admiration and appreciation for the anonymous and self-effacing citizen, who has made it possible for them to live and exist in a reasonable degree of happiness and health.

13 Gone will be the heroes of the battle-fields, the generals and the admirals, the commanders and the soldiers, because future generations will all lump them together as irrelevant fools, who could not resist the primitive temptation to reach, again and again, for the solution of combat and violent death. Gone, will be the heroes of egocentric achievement and the glory seekers of publicity and adulation, because they will be seen as representatives of our primary, egocentric instincts. The modern heroes will be those, who can control their egocentric instincts, and, who can look with patience and sympathy towards fellow human beings, regardless, how far their cultural characteristics may be removed from their own.

14 Gone will be the heroes of political oratory, because they will be judged to be just as belligerent as the generals who did the fighting for them. As a matter of fact, future generations will appreciate, ever more clearly, that the true instigators of war and bloodshed, were those political hot-heads, who marshalled, time and again, the ordinary citizens to fight "for the honour of their country", while they were, in reality, fighting for the security and prestige of their belligerent leaderships.

15 Future generations will also look, with a measure of puzzlement, at the religious heroes of mankind, wondering, how closely fanatic bloodshed and self-sacrificing altruism are related in the behaviour-patterns of the human being. I hope, that, future generations will rely increasingly upon rational Constitutional Guidelines, as well as on a scrupulous adherence to the codes of openness and honesty, because these guidelines will be the only mechanisms to maintain a sense of justice and remove the feeding-grounds for the attitudes of suspicion and belligerence.

16 If we reflect upon the relative importance of our personal existence, so far as its relevance for others is concerned, we will not become so frustrated, when we have not become as relevant as we hoped we would, or thought we should. Similarly, if we think about the wealth of thoughts and experiences we are still capable of during the period of old-age, we will not feel so lonely, especially, if we do not forget the fact, that, these thoughts, awarenesses and experiences have been given a name by countless other people, who have already passed into a state of anonymous oblivion before us. Even, now, when we seem to have been forgotten already, and the world of younger people has taken charge, our unnoticed corner of existence may still be a center of tranquility and wisdom.

17 We still share with countless others the same feelings of sadness and loneliness, of happiness and gratitude, of resignation and insight. None of these feelings and emotions would be possible, if we would be entirely alone, or, if we had remained entirely alone for any length of time. Even the ability to be aware of ourselves as an existing entity, the feeling of "I", is a concept, and a notion, which we absorbed from the cultural pool we nourished upon. We did not invent any word or concept of this cultural pool.

18 Even, now, when we appear to be alone and close to death, there are numerous sights, sounds, contacts and sense impressions that are forming a bond between us and our environment, and, who knows, after we are gone, perhaps, a few people will remember us and honour us with their thoughts Yes, we may have been somewhat of an eccentric, but, we were harmless and did not hurt anyone. Perhaps, a few people will think about us as someone, who lived frugally and did not exploit or deceive anyone. Perhaps, we should learn to accept such thoughts by the people we leave behind, as the highest compliment we can hope for. Perhaps, such thoughts or judgements of the living generations are more important than being remembered or read as an artist or philosopher.

19 Let us remember, when we are caught-up in feelings of loneliness, nostalgia, chronic failure and regret, that, most of our life is now behind us, and, that we can not afford to waste time. Let us remember, that we all share these feelings with nearly everyone around us. Do you think, that there are many people, who have not experienced a sense of loneliness, of being a failure, of having made mistakes? Do you think, that people can go through life, without having any regrets about the past; without the feeling, that their friends and relatives have forgotten them; that they have not measured-up to their own expectations, or, those of their environment? If we really would be so "alone" in these experiences; if we are really the only big failure around, how come, all these words are so commonly in use to describe these feelings? How is it possible, then, that nearly all people understand the meaning of these symbols and concepts?

20 Let us look, again, at the strangers, who hurry by and pay no attention to a lonely, old eccentric. Let us remember, that, they too, have their moments of failure, their feelings of insecurity and loneliness; they too, will, occasionally, indulge themselves in feeling a little sorry for themselves. Will these strangers around us also manage to do so little harm to others and their environment? Perhaps, they may not become as harmless an eccentric as they consider us to be. Perhaps, in their frustration and uncertainty, in their anger and passions, they will be like the generals and political hot-heads of our times, destroying, what others have built-up. Perhaps, they too, will, once again, reach for this primitive combative solution to solve unbearable tensions, and start a war. Many, if not most of them, have no concept at all, what devastations these weapons can bring. They do not know, what the disastrous results and effects will be of an all-out war. They do not realise, that they may destroy, not only, themselves but, perhaps, everyone else as well, including the generations of the future.

21 If we are concerned about these questions and potential dangers, we quickly forget our feelings of loneliness. We quickly forget about the twinge of pity we felt for ourselves, and, we forget that we are considered to be an eccentric old man; and, once more, we will rise-up and write in anxious protest against the doomsday of mankind. Yet, while aroused into indignation by the follies of mankind, we can not ignore the reasons, why we have not been heard before; that we may not be heard again. Why? Are we not convincing; are we not genuine in our concerns? Or, are we facile in our understanding, or, are we mis-interpreting the intentions of those, who appear to be on their way to destroy mankind and the world?

22 Perhaps, these political hot-heads do not want war anymore than we do, and, perhaps, they do not quite know, how to stop an inexorable course of events that seems to lead, slowly but surely, to an all-out destruction of life on earth. Perhaps, we should temper our indignation and our impulse to preach, and, perhaps, we should replace the tendency to preach with an attempt to understand nature; to understand the forces that are behind man's attitudes and behaviour-patterns.

.......

Chapter 7

Content

All feelings of loneliness are based on widely shared experiences.
The loneliness of dying.
Death is the absence of the specific organisation associated with living existence.
We are likely to experience the realities of our beliefs when we are in the process of dying.
The dissolution of our existence.
The experience of "being in Hell" is a stressful experience, but, the experience of every form of stress is typical for being alive.
We will never know that we are dead.
Fear for the stress of meeting our end.
A traumatic experience for the people around us.
We know, now, something about the processes of decay.
How to cope with the stress of "feeling lonely".
A spur to renew old contacts, or, to seek new contacts.
Enforced and self-imposed forms of isolation.
Very rarely, do we have to feel lonely, or be alone against our will.
Perhaps, we have given other people good reasons to shy-away from us.
Learning to unravel some of the more complex mechanisms in inter-personal contacts.
Assessing, honestly, to what extent our feelings are based on a measure of self-pity.
Shifting the focus of concern away from our own existence.
The naturally corrective influences of a healthy and close-knit social environment or family-grouping.
A condition of justice and vigorous social health, means, that we are vigilant and able to prevent the emergence of an anti-social climate, arising, so easily, from neglect, loneliness and isolation.
We have to help each other overcome the crippling and dangerous effects of a sense of isolation and a depressive worthlessness.

1 What about the loneliness of dying, you ask, and I like to remind you about the fact, that all these feelings and experiences of loneliness are shared experiences. They are shared, because they all have become widely accepted symbols of communication; not only, in our own society and culture, but, in societies all over the world, as far back in the past as we can see. While we may have some doubts, looking at the strangers around us, whether or not they indeed share our feelings of loneliness and our sentiments of nostalgia, doubts and self-pity, we can be sure, that all of us, without exception, will, eventually, share in the experience of death. Apart from being born into the world, the experience of death is the only experience we all share without exception, and, why, then, should we feel lonely, if we are faced with death?

2 "Surely, you are facetious, and, you would not consider that a fair or satisfactory answer to my question. Would you really consider the fact, that all living organisms experience the phenomenon of death as sufficient reason not to feel lonely, when it is our time to go?"

3 You are quite right, but, it is nevertheless somewhat strange, that the experience or the awareness that we have to die, may give us such a strong sense of loneliness, while, in essence, it is, indeed, a universally shared experience of all life. The crux of the matter lies in the fact, that we do not experience, and can not experience or communicate, what it is like to be dead, because experiences and communications, including the awareness of all existence, are the prerogative of the living organisation, and, more specifically, they are a prerogative of the conscious, human being.

4 Since death is the absence of life, including the absence of all conscious awareness, we can not be aware of the fact, that we are dead. If we think we are dead, we may take that as a sure sign that we are alive, even, if we are uncertain where we are. Just as we can not be aware of the fact, that we are unconscious, and, that we can not really be aware of the moment we are truly asleep, so can we not be aware of our own death, but, we may very well be aware of the immediacy of death. We may be aware of the fact, that we are dying, but, because the process of dying is ill-defined, and, because we are often wrong, (we think that our final hour has come when it has not), there is a great deal of confusion about the concepts of death and the act of dying.

5 Contrary to the imagery of the religions, the sciences have firmly come to the conclusion, that death is merely an absence of the specific organisation that characterises each and every living unit; from a single cell to a complex, well-integrated, thinking and reflecting human being.

6 Also, in direct contrast with the conclusions and assumptions of the religions, the scientific imagery lets us see, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that the faculties of conscious awareness, in whatever form they may manifest themselves, are a faculty of the human mind, and, these faculties depend upon the existence of an intact human organism; at least, they depend upon an intact, complete, functioning human being, who has been sufficiently viable and socially integrated to develop the capabilities of conscious awareness, of speech and symbolic representation, as well as the ability to absorb a large portion of the notions and thoughts of a particular social and cultural environment.

7 Therefore, the process of slipping into a state of dissolution is invariably associated with a dissolution of the ability to be consciously aware, but, subjectively, for the person, who is dying, the act of dying is nearly always associated with a blurring between the imagery of the memory-banks and the sphere of contemporary reality-experiences. Therefore, a succession of strong, vivid images may be welling-up from the memory-banks, representing the accumulated experiences of a life-time. It is logical, therefore, that one's final moments are coloured by the images that form a structure of beliefs about the nature of life and death, including the purpose of living existence and the origin and destination of our particular being.

8 Therefore, if we strongly believe in the realities of our religious heritage, and, in particular, if we have invested, heavily, in the reality of this imagery by living-up to the tenets and precepts of our Faith, including the moral requirements flowing from these beliefs, then, it is logical, that we "experience" the reality of these religious images as our consciousness fades, and, as we lose contact with the world in which we lived.

9 If we have failed to come to any definite conclusions about the nature of life and death, and, if we have not resolved our fears, doubts, hesitations and other intellectual or emotional problems, then, we are likely to experience a bewildering variety of images, which are coloured by our fears and anxieties, whenever we are sliding into a state of death.

10 If we believe, strongly, in a scientifc reality, and, if we honestly believe and imagine that death is merely a dissolution of our existence, we may experience a sensation that is similar to falling asleep, knowing, with a twinge of regret, that "this is it", but, even, if we profess to believe solidly in our scientific imagery, there is no guarantee that hidden fears will not surface during those final moments of our existence.

11 It is therefore fair to say, that we die in the realities we have accepted during our life-time, and, our feelings of guilt and doubt will probably haunt us, at least, for a few moments, as our past presents itself to our awareness in a sort of kaleidoscopic review of our life's experiences. It is difficult to speculate more in detail about the nature of our experiences at the time of death, but, it is erroneous to conclude, that, people, whose final moments are wracked by fear, doubt or guilt, will die in a "Hell" of their own making, and, that they will experience an entering into a Hell from which there is no escape.

12 The fundamental error we make in such an assumptions, is the quality, or the awareness of "time", which we attribute to the deceased individual. Awareness of time is as much a function of our conscious faculties as any other awareness, and, we have no reason to believe, that this awareness of time is preserved, as an exception to other awarenesses that fade with the fading of our consciousness. The perception of time, including all other awarenesses, disappears, and the essence of death is the absence of life, as well as any reaction, thought or awareness that is a characteristic of the living organisation.

13 The experience of guilt, or, of "being in Hell", is a stressful experience, and, the experience of stress is a typical reaction of someone, who is alive. It can not be an experience of someone, who has ceased to be alive. Therefore, we may assume, that the final moments of the person who is dying with feelings of guilt, or an attitude of rebellion, are a "giving-in" to all resistance during the process of dying, and, this final giving-in, or relaxation, must come as a relief. It must be a welcome and soothing experience, that, finally, the agony of dying has passed. We will never experience anything beyond this point, because, as we have seen, the faculty of awareness becomes, then, completely extinguished, and, we may be only vaguely aware of the fact, that we are sliding into a final "nothingness"

14 It is wise to reflect on the fact, that, sooner or later, we all have to face death. No-one will argue, that it is preferable to die "peacefully"; without this desperate and futile struggle to cling to life. Yet, no-one knows the circumstances under which one will die, and, the uncertainty about the way we will meet our end, as well as the inherent difficulties we have about imagining "what it would be like to be dead", makes the thought of death uncomfortable for most of us, and, we assume, logically, that this experience will be lonely.

15 True, it is difficult to think, clearly, about death, and, the contradictory heritage of religious beliefs and scientific images, leaves us confused and bewildered. It is not surprising, therefore, that, most of us give-up the effort to form a set of clear ideas about this essential and final act of our existence, because we feel, rightly, that thinking about it, only, makes us more confused and depressed. We can only hope, that we will have a quick and painless death, or, that we may die in the Grace of our Lord, and, that our sins and short-comings will be forgiven at the last moment. It is really not surprising, that, most of us assume, tacitly, that something of us remains in existence, after death, even, if it is only a shadowy existence compared to our existence, now, as an intact human being, and, we assume, without any difficulties, that it is possible to know that we have died.

16 However, one of the remarkable results of scientific knowledge and insight has been the firm conclusion, that there is no conscious existence of any kind after death, and, that, therefore, all ideas about the existence of some sort of an immortal soul, or an ability to communicate with people who are dead, are totally erroneous, and, that these notions are a logical result of our natural inclination to imagine or fathom the nature of everything and every phenomenon we come into contact with.

17 Death is a strong and traumatic experience for the surrounding members of a small, tightly-knit grouping, and, the appearance of the deceased in the dreams, imagination and "visions" of the mourners, is reason enough to assume, without any hesitation, that the deceased person exists after death, in one form or another. However, there is another, basic and physiological reason, why it is so difficult to accept death as a state of non-existence. By trying to imagine what death "is", we automatically give the state of death a quality of existence, and, we fail to realise, that death is nothing more, and nothing less, than the absence of a state of existence.

18 With our modern scientific insights, we understand the phenomena of life and death much better, and, we understand, why a lifeless corpse remains intact, at least, for a while, after an individual has died. We understand, why the processes of decay take place with such an inevitability, and, why they produce such an offensive smell and sight, as well as a serious health-hazard. Man has learned, from prehistoric times, to separate the dead from the living by burying or disposing of the body in one way or another.

19 It is undoubtedly true, that the process of dying is a highly personal and lonely experience, especially, because such an immense and unbridgeable gap appears between us, the dying individual, and those, who remain behind. We often fear the processes of death more than is necessary, partly because of ignorance and an unwillingness to face, realistically, the facts of life and death. Partly, we fear death as the result of a guilt-ridden, heavy-handed, psychologically oppressive religious imagery, and, partly, as the result of our natural drive to cling to life as long as we can. Yet, an understanding of these processes, and, an acceptance of the fact that our existence is transient, can be a natural result of the fact, that we are, so often, exposed to these phenomena, before it is our turn to die.

20 Let us not forget, that a "natural death" prepares us for death by making our existence sufficiently stressful and miserable to make us wish that it would be "all over", and, the fact, that medical help, and many drugs, can help us to alleviate pain and anxiety, should also help us to accept the inevitability of death with a measure of peaceful resignation. The confrontations with the phenomena of death throughout our life, are an important sphere of learning, and, these experiences give us an opportunity to come to grips with these phenomena, and they may contribute significantly to the acceptance of a wise and viable attitude towards ourselves and our environment.

21 Is the experience of death and loneliness, then, only valuable as a learning experience, where we become more mature, viable and tolerant individuals; with a better grip on the essential requirements of human happiness and longevity? Indeed, we should come back in the last few pages of this essay, on the aspects of coping wih the stress of loneliness, because we have neglected, to some extent, to discuss this question properly, in spite of the fact, that we have hinted, throughout this essay, upon the behavioural reactions that are appropriate and relevant in the light of an experience of loneliness.

22 The most useful way to cope with feelings of loneliness, and, with any form of want, stress or discomfort, is to analyse, rationally, all the components we can observe. To what extent are our feelings due to a want, or a need, which we could rectify, fairly easily, by seeking-out or renew contacts, or, by renewing a contact with works of art, books, or public organisations, which can absorb our interests and give us a fresh outlook on life?

23 We should make a clear distinction between the form of loneliness that arises from a break in contacts as a result of circumstances and events that are largely beyond our control, and, those forms of loneliness, which are due to a form of self-imposed isolation. Let us analyse, why we sometimes shy-away from contacts; why we tend to withdraw from people we used to communicate with. We may come to the conclusion, that these changes in our attitudes are a natural result of changes that had already made such contacts less satisfactory.

24 A more open break in contact is, then, nothing more than an open acknowledgement of a situation that already exists. In such a case, we should not feel a strong sense of loneliness, or, a feeling of missing something, but such a break may be accentuated by a slight feeling of sadness and regret, that a promising contact turned-out to be a disappointment after all. Often, we are just as much to blame for the sense of disappointment as the party we feel disappointed with. Perhaps, we had unfair illusions about those, we thought, to be our best friends; perhaps, we expected too much in the way of loyalty or fortitude of character, and, we should have accepted these people more as they really were, rather than as we would like them to be.

25 The point we would like to make is this; very rarely, do we have to feel lonely or to be alone against our will, and, if we think, that we are a victim of circumstances, or the target of undeserved scorn and abuse, we should carefully analyse, to what extent we may have contributed to the attitudes of the people around us. Perhaps, we have given good reasons to others to shy-away from us. Perhaps, we have fallen into the trap to "use" many of our contacts and friendships to get people to do things for us. Perhaps, we have become, un-intentionally, a parasite and a usurper of other people's good-will, their willingness to help, and be friendly. If we look, carefully, at our own attitudes, we see, that the temptation is always there to exploit people who are eager to help-out, and, who are, perhaps, eager to show-off their mastery, superiority or skill in one area or another.

26 The relationships between people will always remain a varying and labile balance between egocentric and altruistic concerns, and, often, it is difficult to decide, whether the giving of help is an act of self-less or self-effacing altruism, or a subtle form of egocentric "showing-off". Similarly, to accept help may not always be a parasitic and egocentric attitude, but, it may be a subtle and humble attitude not to offend the effusive attitudes of someone, who has a need to help and show hospitality.

27 By analysing, honestly and intelligently, the relationships we have with other people, we will see, much more clearly, why a friendship is always in danger of breaking-up, especially, if a friendship has not been established at an early age, and has not gone through the upheavals of honest conflicts and reconcilliations, which seem to be such a prevalent feature of the friendships we form at a younger age. Such a rational analysis lets us see, much more clearly, how relationships and attitudes are determined, not only, by the behaviour of those around us, but, also, by our own attitudes, and, it lets us see, that we may, in reality, not want the many contacts we thought we needed to be happy and fill our time. Loneliness and a measure of isolation can, therefore, be a deliberate choice; a sought-after status, as well as a necessary background to carry-out the work one has taken upon oneself to do.

28 I realise, that the discussion comes, here, too close to my particular circumstances to have much relevance for others, and, I know, that, most people would not be able to exist comfortably, unless they are buoyed by a wide circle of friends, relatives and acquaintances. If we still find ourselves to be lonely or lonesome, after we have thought about it as much as we can, and, after we have done what we could to correct the situation, we may have to cope in different ways with the residual feelings of loneliness and depression that may haunt us. In the first place, we should try to assess, honestly, to what extent our feelings are based on a measure of self-pity, and, if we find, that, indeed, we do feel somewhat sorry for ourselves, it is time to think about the many possibilities, which could have made life even more miserable for us, and, we should think about the many people, who have to live in conditions and circumstances that are worse than our own.

29 If we can still not shake a feeling of depression and pre-occupation with our problems, and, if we are still subjected to this all-pervasive feeling of loneliness, we should try to take our mind off our obsessive and introvert attitudes by engaging in an activity that constitutes a form of contact. This may vary from a hobby, an art, the playing of an instrument, the writing of a story, or the making of tools or handicrafts, physical activities and sports, a study, or an active engagement in the community, or, any other organisation where we can identify with the activities and concerns of a group of people.

30 It is surprising to see, how much we can do to alleviate these feelings of depression, loneliness and self-pity, and, how much we can learn, if we force ourselves, to some extent, to occupy our thoughts and activities with a subject that is not centered, primarily, around our own existence.

31 This technique represents a pragmatic way of learning, that, we, as a particular individual, are not really as important as we think, and, that, ironically, our importance or relevance for others, is in reverse proportions to the degree of obsessive pre-occupation we may have with our own existence. The least satisfactory way to cope with the feelings of loneliness and depression, is to sooth them artificially with alcohol and other drugs, or, with an incessant search for immediate sensual gratification and pleasures.

32 Fortunately, a healthy and close-knit society or family will not tolerate such attitudes and practices for any length of time, but, a large, confused, chaotic and amorphous society may tolerate, by neglect and unconcern, such attitudes in a surprisingly large number of people. This, however, leads to a diseased social environment, and has a devastating and paralysing effect on the society as a whole, because such a depressive attitude and outlook on life tends to corrupt, eventually, many of the more healthy attitudes of social integration.

33 If we, as a hard working, contributing member of society, see, that others get-away with a life of doing nothing, with indulging in futile pleasures, with a life-style that is parasitic and negative in nature, and has a serious potential for violence and crime, our sense of justice will be affronted. It is about time, that, we, and our leaderships, recognise, that it is not sufficient to rectify injustices and penalise criminal offenses after they have happened and claimed their innocent victims. Justice and a vigorous social health, means, that we are vigilant and concerned enough to prevent and tackle the anti-social atmosphere and attitudes that arise, so easily, during a prolonged period of neglect, loneliness and isolation.

34 We have to help each other to overcome the more crippling and socially dangerous effects of a sense of isolation and depressive worthlessness, otherwise, we all are, eventually, drawn into a reckless, self-destructive whirlpool of introvert, obsessive and irresponsible behaviour-patterns.

.......

Summary

1. An apparently easy definition.
We can notice many different feelings, if we feel somewhat lonely.
The difference between loneliness and being alone.
The many ways in which we depend on other people.
We all experience a need to be alone, from time to time.
Sometimes, we want privacy and quietude; at other times, we are afraid of solitude and stillness.
Feeling a twinge of loneliness amidst a sea of people.
When we are shunned by others.
Why a moment of reflective thought may aggravate a feeling of uncertainty.
If we have learned, from an early age, to "see ourselves behave", we will be more comfortable with reflective moments.
Being saddled with a chronically introvert personality.
When we are not wholeheartedly accepted by the people around us.
The autistic child.
Criteria for being "comfortably integrated" into the social environment.
Experiencing a relaxing feeling of belonging.
Why social contacts provide an opportunity for "psychological specialisation".
An unhealthy degree of dependence.
Dominant, restrictive and over-protective parents.
When a community is weak, lax and complacent.
An "easy life" amongst friends and familiar surroundings.
"Locally coloured" people are at a loss, whenever they have to compete with people outside the familiar environment.
A disciplined attitude, and a broad outlook on life.

2. The price of a specialised development or skill.
A narrowly based marketable skill.
Entrapment and a chronic feeling of nostalgia.
The loneliness of Frederic Chopin.
The stimulus, and the opportunity, to polish an artistic skill into a high level of perfection.
Seeing the logic, and reasons, for the quality of the artistic achievement we admire.
An aura of mystery, and the fact, that we "co-create" a work of art in our minds.
The reasons, why we experience a sense of joy and beauty.
Shared perceptions and emotional inter-actions.
A common avenue for releasing chronic tensions.
The self-confidence that comes with having acquired an artistic skill.
The complex history of a work of art.
The function of "re-creation".
Becoming part of the cultural pool of notions and awarenesses.
Most of us never obtain the level of perfection, originality and intensity, which makes some of the works of great artists, "master-pieces".
True works of art are able to "stand on their own feet".
Anonymous works of art.
Is it important to know an artistic creator by name?
The stress of having to work in an environment one does not really like.
The "hard work" of enduring chronic stress
The need to enjoy periods of rest and relaxation; to regenerate energies and rejuvenate the qualities of innovativeness and resilience.
The reasons for "business-like contacts".
When inter-personal relationships remain calculated and manipulative in nature.
When contacts are "work", and, when they are "a relaxation".
The tendency to sooth tensions and frustrations in various psychological and physical ways.

3. The functions of "stress".
The stress of loneliness is mild, and, sometimes, even, somewhat pleasant.
Nostalgic reminiscences are used to experience happiness, now; not to reflect, as accurately as possible, on past events.
Taking stock of the options at our disposal when reviewing a difficult situation.
Resolute decisions are not always the best.
Sometimes, it is advantageous to "stall for time".
Excercising our "free will".
We have to learn to accept responsibilities, and shoulder a certain amount of stress.
The loneliness of leadership.
When leadership becomes a nearly impossible task.
Input from the membership may assist the task of making viable leadership decisions.
Institutions of a democratic social environment.
The obligation to accept the results of "free and fair elections".
Principles of the democratic contract of essential equality.
When a leadership becomes extremely defensive.
A "revolving of elites".
Why we need smoothly operating Constitutional Mechanisms.
Responsibilities for leaders and members.
The disruptive influence of special-interest groupings.
A leadership should be able to tolerate complete freedom of expression.
The formidable task of creating a manageable synthesis from chaos and confusion.
A viable political leadership is continuously in contact with the members of society.
A constant stream of communications has to take place between a leadership and its subjects.
There is always something to learn.
There are always people around us with whom we have something in common.

4. The feelings of loneliness are somewhat illusory, even, if they represent a subjective reality.
Secretly indulging in a measure of self-pity.
People may get irritated with a persistently egocentric orientation.
When we are pre-occupied with our particular concerns.
When we are a stranger in our social environment.
Immigrants are, often, "cultural hybrids".
An above average ability to observe with a detached attitude.
The traits that are shared by many different cultures.
An essential loneliness and an "opaque" personality make us a target for incomprehension and suspicion.
Learning to hide our "strangeness" under an affable veneer.
A keen awareness for the possibilities opened-up by a new social environment.
Immigrants are often supremely competent people.
children from immigrants.
The background of exceptional achievers has, often, a history of recent migration or immigration.
"Immigration" within a national entity, by migrating from one cultural milieu to another.
A country with a regular influx of immigrants has a tendency to develop a variety of "ethnic centers".
A broad cultural exposure lies at the root of beneficial attitudes and competent skills.
The fruits of cultural cross-fertilisation are represented by an increase in tolerance and understanding.
"Cultural mixing" is not easily accomplished, and, it is often a painfully slow process.
The "forced cultural mix".
Cultural mixing is speeded-up by sharing adversities.
The need for cultural mixing on a global scale.
Standardising educational programs.
The difference between "making friends", and the ability to have wide-ranging contacts.
Mechanisms of natural hierachical positioning.
The strongest bonds of friendship are welded during adolescence.
An emphasis on "acquaintances", later in life.
A period of instability and uncertainty leads to an intensified desire for contacts with relevant people.
It is better to let fading friendships slip, rather than hang-on to them.

5. Loneliness and old-age.
A combination of mental and physical success; our "social prime".
The social "apogee" and the period of maximum achievement may not co-incide.
Somewhat vague concepts.
Let us forget the dreamers and the drifters.
When we become "conservative" and less flexible.
Even a philosopher gets old and tired.
The need to consolidate.
A situation of stress may easily slide from an exciting challenge to a wearying entrapment.
The many advantages of recognising our limitations.
Curbing ambitious objectives to realistic levels.
Stress aggravates the processes of ageing and decline.
A wise society has recognised the possibilities, as well as the limitations, associated with the natural life-cyle of its citizens.
Preparing for a frugal but satisfying life-style.
A condition of near self-sufficiency.
The accent has to remian on the ability to save money and stretch a modest cash-income.
The regular routine of a "retired" life-style.
A sense of loneliness will inevitably overtake us, from time to time.
A few personal thoughts.

6. A loss of esteem and prestige.
Depressive reflections.
Natural corrections for an egocentric and erroneous approach to my ambitions.
What, really, constitutes a valid judgement of success?
Questions.
What matters, is the fact, that I did my best to record my thoughts and ideas.
We are not all that important for the generations that come after us.
The transience of individual existence has been the corner-stone for the evolution of life.
A sobering shift in accent.
Perhaps, success is to fade, anonymously, into oblivion without having caused too much harm to others or the environment.
A shift in objects of admiration.
Heroes of peace and tolerance.
Reflections about the ability to communicate with the countless people who have lived and thought before us, and, who have given us the tools of words and concepts.
The thoughts and judgements of the living generations are more important than being remembered as an artist or philosopher.
Nobody can go through life, without any regrets about the past.
Let us look at the strangers, who hurry by and pay us no attention.
Will they be belligerent soldiers, or political hot-heads?
We quickly forget the feelings of loneliness, if we think about the uncertain future of mankind.
Tempering the impulse to preach, and trying to understand more deeply.

7. All feelings of loneliness are based on widely shared experiences.
The loneliness of dying.
Death is the absence of the specific organisation associated with living existence.
We are likely to experience the realities of our beliefs when we are in the process of dying.
The dissolution of our existence.
The experience of "being in Hell" is a stressful experience, but, the experience of every form of stress is typical for being alive.
We will never know that we are dead.
Fear for the stress of meeting our end.
A traumatic experience for the people around us.
We know, now, something about the processes of decay.
How to cope with the stress of "feeling lonely".
A spur to renew old contacts, or, to seek new contacts.
Enforced and self-imposed forms of isolation.
Very rarely, do we have to feel lonely, or be alone against our will.
Perhaps, we have given other people good reasons to shy-away from us.
Learning to unravel some of the more complex mechanisms in inter-personal contacts.
Assessing, honestly, to what extent our feelings are based on a measure of self-pity.
Shifting the focus of concern away from our own existence.
The naturally corrective influences of a healthy and close-knit social environment or family-grouping.
A condition of justice and vigorous social health, means, that we are vigilant and able to prevent the emergence of an anti-social climate, arising, so easily, from neglect, loneliness and isolation.
We have to help each other overcome the crippling and dangerous effects of a sense of isolation and a depressive worthlessness.

.......