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THE IRASCIBLE PERSONALITY








A Study in Thought






sa093






by





Marius Heuff

Chapter 1

Content

A long time between title and essay.
What is so interesting about an irascible personality?
A number of questions.
Many contrasting signals lie behind irascible behaviour.
A look at the spectrum or profile of a personality.
A typical "distribution curve" for many varied potentials.
The importance of an individual's "personal history" for understanding the profile of a specific personality.
Ethical attitudes and concerns are largely determined by the circumstances of one's up-bringing.
A behavioural trait will flourish, if it "pays-off".
The advantages of a high-quality education.
Discipline and self-discipline.
The value of an attitude of self-imposed constraints.
Learning to cope with the "rough and tumble" of competitive strife.
A characteristic personality profile.
The three layers that determine a personality; the spectrum of aptitudes, the history of personal experiences, as well as objectives and ambitions representing an input from the social environment.
How we "present" our personality; the "front".
The art of living together, and the reasons for an "etiquette".
Etiquette and ethics.

1 Many months, sometimes more than a year, lapse between the conception of a suitable topic for an essay, and the time when the idea is actually translated into a first draft. This initial conception is summarised in the title for such an essay. Of course, I try to formulate a title with sufficient "content", before I even put it down as a potential "head-line", and, when I do, I have, as a rule, an overall outline in mind of the things I would like to discuss. However, because of the time interval that exists between the writing-down of the titles and the sketching of a first draft, I have to re-think the reasons and the thoughts I had at the time I decided that a particular title would make a good essay. Why, then, you may ask, is the "irascible personality", a title worth discussing, and, apparently, with sufficient ramifications to fill an entire essay?

2 Yes, why, indeed, did the title attract me, and, why is it worthwhile to discuss the irascible personality? Is it not a weakness and a liability to be easily provoked into a state of anger or irritation? Is it not a sign of a somewhat undisciplined personality to be ruffled, so quickly? Is it not a sign of luxury and independence to be able to afford "flying off the handle", at the slightest provocation? Are we secretly admiring the freedom and independence that is suggested behind the luxury of being gruff towards one's fellow human beings?

3 Is it a sign of refreshing honesty and sincerity in a world that is full of artificial smoothness and politeness, and, is this the reason we are attracted towards an irascible personality, or, did I choose the title, because I am somewhat irascible myself? Is it, indeed, a liability and a weakness, or, is it a sign of sensitivity and courage to be irascible, where an individual dares to risk the wrath of contemporaries, or, even, outright alienation and loneliness by deliberately and consistently objecting, reacting and agitating against the platitudes and hypocrisies we see around us?

4 As usual, we can interpret the realities around us in a variety of ways, and, certainly, the judgement and interpretation of a personality, as well as the manner in which a personality inter-acts with his or her environment, provides an opportunity for a fascinating study and a rich topic for discussion. If we make, first, an effort to outline, briefly, what we mean by a "personality", and, if we retrace, briefly, the factors and motivations that play a role in its make-up, we can, then, focus, better, upon a specific type of personality. We may, then, get a "feel" for the many contrasting and somewhat confusing signals of communication and behavioural attitudes that lie behind irascible behaviour, and, in the process, we are, hopefully, a little better able to understand, what makes us tick, and, how, and why, we react towards other people the way we do.

5 We can look at the make-up of a personality in a variety of ways. We have, usually, emphasised an evolutionary approach, where we trace the emergence of a variety of capabilities, such as speech, coordination, agility, perseverance, the attitudes of aggressiveness, trust and submissiveness, etc. Here, we like to do something different, and, we are going to look at the spectrum of possibilities and capabilities of a normal human personality. We will consider the more common abilities, and not, exceptional skills, such as the ability to figure-skate or play a musical instrument to perfection. We should leave-out from the discussion any specific forms of expertise, such as the art and practice of medical diagnosis and therapy.

6 If we look at the common range of features we can see in average people, we see, that we can divide these features into two broad categories; there are features that represent a skill, such as walking, talking, tasks that require a high level of muscle coordination, and, the intellectual skills, such as reading, writing, arguing logically, understanding something, but, there is also a large category of attitudes and emotional states, which relate, primarily, to the many inter-actions between people.

7 We have discussed, before, the three existential poles of our personality make-up, and, we may assign to each individual, at any particular time of his existence, a position within this triangle of existential arousal. From a zone of emotional near-neutrality in the center between the three poles, we note, that an individual can be drawn to any one of these three poles, sliding gradually away from the center of emotional near-neutrality. An individual occupies, also, a position on the sliding axis between egocentricity and concern for others, and, this sliding scale between egocentricity and altruism may be visualised as being perpendicular to the plane determined by the three primary existential poles. The sliding axis between egocentric and altruistic concerns is also associated with a variety of attitudes and emotions.

8 We have argued these points before, and, we are recapitulating, here, only the barest of outlines, which describe the function and the make-up of a personality. In a static description, we can construct a spectrum of capabilities and a spectrum of prevalent moods or emotional states, and, each individual has a typical "distribution curve", if we plot such capabilities and moods or emotional preferences against some sort of a scale of intensity.

9 Besides, we should not forget, that an individual's behaviour is also influenced by past experiences, and, we should remind ourselves that this spectrum of capabilities and attitudinal preferences has a "historical development". By this, we mean, that the history of an individual has favoured, for one reason or another, the development of certain capabilities in preference over others, and the same has happened to the pattern of prevalent moods or emotional states. We may summarise this by saying, that an individual will, as a rule, have developed those capabilities and attitudes or emotional states which "served the best" under the prevailing circumstances.

10 If an individual had to fend for him- or herself from an early age, we see, usually, a highly versatile indvidual, who has learned many capabilities "the hard way". By this, we mean, that none of the capabilities are highly polished and refined as a result of the careful nurturing of a specific talent, but, these capabilities have developed, largely, from practical experience and the quick imitation of a behavioural example.

11 Circumstances and needs change quickly, and, a versatile personality shows a remarkably intuitive and pragmatic ability to provide for his basic needs and make some money; but, at the same time, the way these earnings are obtained, may be somewhat unscrupulous, as a youngster quickly learns the easiest and most exploitative methods of earning money.

12 Someone, who had to fend for him- or herself from an early age, is also exposed to the rough and tumble of people in conflict, and, the attitudes and examples of social contacts play an important role in shaping the characteristics of the growing personality. If, e.g. the social environment happens to be one which is "criminal" in nature, the youngsters develop an inverted image of right and wrong. Loyalty is only extended to the "in group", and the straight world is "the enemy", which can be exploited or preyed-upon. From the point of view of the "straight world", which is constantly under attack from criminal elements, such youngsters appear, often, to be hopelessly "warped", because they do not seem to see anything wrong with their activities. From a larger perspective, the behaviour is, indeed, much more "normal", because the straight society behaves very much in the same way. The people of the straight society also identify, primarily, with their own circle, and, anyone, who belongs to a strange or alien society, becomes a legitimate target of exploitation, ridicule, domination, or, even, outright aggression.

13 What becomes, eventually, our particular personality spectrum or profile, is, therefore, determined by the manner in which we have grown-up. If we grow-up rather haphazardly, we are usually versatile and quick-witted, eager to exploit all opportunities to satisfy our existential needs, but, we lack the benefits of a consistent and devoted training or education. Such a high-quality training or education may provide us with a much more developed and specialised skill, and, this enables us to secure a more prestigious or lucrative position in society. A consistent and stable training and home environment allow us to formulate long-term goals and ambitions, and, it may help us to develop a sense of discipline or self-discipline, in order to keep our mind on long-term objectives and deny ourselves immediate pleasures and gratifications.

14 We should qualify these statements somewhat, because a haphazard youth, or early up-bringing, may still lead to sound, long-term goal-patterns, as well as an admirable level of self-imposed discipline, which is, perhaps, even, more effective than an attitude of self-discipline that has been cultivated by tutors, parents or educators.

15 Indeed, we often see, that a youngster, who is continuously "guided" and told what to do and what not to do, becomes a somewhat slovenly personality, where skills are learned and attitudes are adopted because of educational and parental pressures. The skills and attitudes that have been cultivated are, often, highly advanced and they represent the keys to the highest echelons of a social environment. However, the personality remains somewhat immature, because it lacks the experience of the "rough and tumble" of competitive strife, and, it lacks the ability to make its own decisions. Such a personality feels uncomfortable with other layers of society that fall outside its social horizon.

16 The profile or spectrum of the personality, which comprises the two sub-spectra of capabilities and emotional or attitudinal preferences, reflects, therefore, the history of a particular individual, as well as, of course, the aptitudes that were given as a genetic endowment. As we have discussed many times before, it is impractical, or, even, impossible to make a distinction between the genetically "given" aptitudes and the components of acquisition and development. Besides, such a distinction appears, often, to be artificial and somewhat arbitrary. The point we want to emphasise, here, is the fact, that we all develop a highly characteristic personality spectrum, or "profile", because of these variations in endowment and personal history. We know, now, that our personality is the result of an inter-twining of endowed capabilities, the development of some of these endowed capabilities as a result of the happenstance of contacts and events, and, also, as a result of the long-term goals and ambitions we have chosen, for one obscure reason or another, to help us orden our lives.

17 These three layers; the spectrum of attitudes, capabilities and preferential emotional states, this complex of our particular history of chance-contacts and personal experiences, as well as the pattern of ambitions and goals, these three layers determine the make-up of our personality. What we should look at, now, is the way we "present" our personality to others, because there is often a marked discrepancy between the person we are in the perception of others, the person we believe ourselves to be, and, the person we would like to be; in our own judgements, as well as in the perception of other people.

18 Let us define the person or personality "as we are", as the spectrum which we have just defined, and, we would show our personality "as we are", if we are relaxed, not on guard, and, if we behave honestly and naturally, just as we are. However, we seldom are happy with ourselves "as we are", and, what is even more important, the people around us would seldom be happy, if we behaved, entirely, "as we are", because the art of living together at close quarters, involves, not only, a concern for the competitive frictions that may develop between people as they have to live under crowded conditions, but, it also concerns a range of behavioural activities which we have learned to consider as "private" activities or functions.

19 In other words; as part of our personality development, we also learn the art of living together. We learn a natural "give and take", and, we learn this best, whenever the shelter of protection is somewhat withdrawn by intuitively sensible parents, because this phase of the personality development is similar to the rough and tumble a personality is exposed to, whenever there is no sphere of protection from concerned parents and educators.

20 The art of living together at close quarters, and presenting an acceptable form of behaviour, is covered by a code of "etiquette". This code of behaviour varies greatly from one culture to another, as well as between the various strata of a complex, multi-cultural society. This code of "etiquette", (or ethics, if it emphasises more the moral considerations, rather than just those of "manners"), is designed to smooth-out the many irritations we would experience, if we all behaved at close quarters, "as we felt like".

21 Under the definition of "etiquette", or, the manners and conventions of polite behaviour, we grasp a complex of regulations and conventions which is designed to smooth the contacts between people who do not know each other well, and, whose ideas and behaviour-patterns may quickly clash on account of different beliefs and customs.

22 Under the concept of "ethics", we understand a much broader and more profound principle, where the problems of friction and conflict are resolved in an attitude of deliberate understanding and concern. An ethical concern implies, that we care for people, even, if we do not know them personally, but, we care, because we recognise their rights as human beings. We recognise, that many points of friction and conflict are due to a strong and shared instinctive drive of competitiveness, which is, in turn, an expression of the fact, that we share the existential requirements of being a living human being.

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Chapter 2

Content

We all have to satisfy our existential needs.
When we are tempted to withdraw into a world of fantasies and pleasures.
The good fortune of having been born into a healthy family and a stimulating social environment.
It is natural for hard-working parents to give their offspring a sheltered existence.
The drift towards an inherited position of privilege and advantage.
Understanding a mechanism does not necessarily justify its occurrence.
Professionals can not hand-down their earning powers, unless their off-spring acquires the necessary qualifications.
The "middle classes" provide the most productive environment for learning.
A strong mix of encouragement and pressure.
The "frontier characteristics" of a personality.
Combining leadership qualities with an attitude of loyalty.
Hierarchical relationships between play-mates are fluid.
An important twelve-year period of compulsory schooling.
What makes us get-along well with other people?
An intuitive mix between assertiveness and the ability to yield.
Trust and familiarity with each other's characteristics.
The limitations of a defensive personality.
Crippled personalities can "hide" in a large, lax and chaotic affluent society.
We need a careful code of conduct to guard against misunderstandings, especially, when people from different cultural backgrounds have to deal with each other.

1 The facts of life dictate, that we all have to satisfy our existential needs. We all have to obtain sufficient food and adequate shelter in order to remain healthy, and, any surplus energy may be used to enlarge our powers or possessions, to formulate long-term goals and objectives, to spend our time in leisure-activities, or, to fantasise in a world of our own making. However, as we have argued before, such a strongly introspective road is usually a sign of frustration and an aberration of our normal drives. Only, if we have become depressed about our situation; if we are chronically frustrated and unable to change the conditions we live under, only, then, are we inclined to withdraw into a world of fantasies and pleasures, where we can savour the satisfaction of reaching our ambitions and goals, which is denied to us in real life.

2 If we are fortunate to have been born into a strong social unit, a vigorous, healthy family, able to provide its offspring with a shelter of protection, we may grow-up with a minimal exposure to the need to make a living. However, such a strongly protective environment puts, usually, a number of pressures and obligations on their privileged youngsters, because the adults realise, that, eventually, this sphere of shelter and protection will have to be withdrawn, and, it is, therefore, necessary, that these youngsters will be able to fend for themselves. The most natural way for the parents to secure survival for their youngsters, is to work towards the goal of seeing their offspring absorbed into the same, or, perhaps, an even more privileged position in the social environment.

3 Responsible adults usually occupy a position of privilege because of their merits, unless the society has become so rigid and stultified, that all the positions of privilege are jaleously guarded and inherited by, or transferred to, the offspring of a powerful and privileged elite. Indeed, we see, that there is always a strong tendency towards the inheritance of a position of power, wealth and privilege. Deserving, capable and hard-working parents have a natural tendency to give their own offspring a sheltered life, but, this shelter often interferes with the maturation of these youngsters, and, they remain rather weak, vacillating and poorly developed and disciplined people, who will never acquire the same natural status of merit and leadership as their parents. In order to overcome this dreaded handicap, anxious parents try to keep protecting their offspring as long as they can. They keep helping them, and, they keep working on their behalf, long past the point that the young adults should be independent and on their own.

4 If a position of privilege can not be earned by such protected youngsters, it is natural to see a strenuous effort by the parental generation to have this position of power, privilege and wealth transferred to their offspring as an inheritance, and, if the parents have themselves benefitted from such an act by their parents, we see, quickly, that the primary concern of privileged parents is to groom their offspring for the time that they will have to manage on their own the inheritance of wealth and a privileged status. While these mechanisms are natural and completely understandable, they can not be condoned, because it is the surest way for a society to break-apart. A social environment that becomes stifled by a rigid class-system and inherited discrepancies in positions of power and privilege, can only give rise to deep resentment and hatred amongst the poor and oppressed classes.

5 It is interesting to note, that these instinctive trends are so strong that we see them emerge, not only, in a privileged "upper crust" of a Capitalist society, but, we see them at all social levels, in every type of social environment. Even a "class-less" society, ruled by a strict Socialist dogma of essential equality, develops, quickly, an elite of powerful bureaucrats, as well as a class of sheltered and privileged youngsters. Youngsters from powerful Party-officials have a tendency to display, quickly, all the degenerate trends of the hated upper crust of a society, where the class-struggle of the proletariat has not been won, as yet.

6 However, even, in a simple village, where most of the adults live an undistinguished life-style of moderately undisciplined and un-ambitious behaviour-patterns, we see, that the children are often protected throughout most of their lives. They are given a piece of land to build a home on. The house is often given to them, or built for them, and the young people receive a great deal of help from parents, relatives and, perhaps, even, neighbours. As a result, very little effort is needed to fulfill the basic existential requirements, as long as these young people do not violate the boundaries of tolerated behaviour.

7 The more educated and sophisticated urban middle-classes develop their earning powers and livelyhood on the basis of specialised skills and high educational standards, and, we see, how the period of protected childhood and adolescence of middle-class offspring is filled with pressures to achieve a high level of skill or education. The middle-class of professional or skilled tradesmen can not hand-down their earning powers to their offspring, unless their youngsters acquire the necessary diplomas and qualifications.

8 The protective shell of the middle-classes in a Capitalist society is, indeed, a most productive one, because the privileged position of the parents is nearly always based on merit, and, it can not be handed-down to their offspring without the proper qualifications. This is the reason, why youngsters, who come from good, healthy and protective middle-class parents, are exposed to a strong mix of stimulation and encouragement, together with a measure of pressure and coercion, to make sure, that they do well during their period of schooling or training.

9 At the same time, the presence of basic protection means, that these youngsters do not have to concern themselves with the basic existential requirements, because their food and shelter is provided for them, until they reach early adulthood. This allows the fortunate middle-class youngster to formulate long-term goals and aspirations, and the well-educated parents will stimulate and encourage any worthwhile talent that seems to emerge.

10 This brief review of parental attitudes in the various social classes illustrates the differing attitudes and personality spectra we may see come to the fore amongst the members of a social environment, and, we have, now, a "feeling" for the many features, attitudes and long-term goal-structures that make-up the main features of a personality.

11 Let us round-off this general discussion about the personality, by concentrating on the behavioural traits that have to do with the ability to get-along and communicate with other people. These "frontier characteristics" are decisive for the first impression we get from a personality, even, if most of us learn to see through these first impressions and judge a personality more thoroughly and completely, afterwards. We all learn, from an early age, what sort of behaviour wins us favours, or, at least, a measure of cooperation from our social environment, and, we learn, what sort of attitudes increase friction and irritation. For example, a child knows, at least, in a healthy social environment, that it has to share, cooperate, be friendly and engage in a smooth give-and-take with others. This does not mean, that it has to let itself be bullied, but, it does mean, that a child can not always bully or dominate others.

12 As children, we already learn to accept a certain hierarchical order. We follow and obey the people who are guiding and caring for us, but, those we play with, may also dominate over us; at least, at times, while, at other times, we take a leading role in a particular game. To have a good feeling for these hierarchical relationships, and, to be able to play the role of a concerned and fair "leader", one moment, while we are a loyal and cooperative team-mate the next, is a hall-mark of a smooth and healthy personality, in spite of the fact, that very few people will excel in becoming completely integrated with a small social grouping. Most of us succeed adequately, and, we fit into an existing hierarchical order, where we acknowledge, somewhat grudgingly, the mastery or leadership of those who can dominate us, while we take for granted that those "below us", will follow or obey us in a social relationship.

13 During childhood, the hierarchical relationships between play-mates are often flexible, primarily, because the composition of the group we play with, fluctuates constantly. This means, that, most of us get a chance to develop, in harmonious and natural inter-actions with others, the ability to lead and follow, and to cooperate in a gracious and contributing manner. A varied childhood, with many different situations and play-mates, as well as varied contacts with a large number of adults, (as is usually the case when people live in crowded urban or sub-urban conditions), provide the best learning grounds for an all-round personality, while those children with a small and nearly constant circle of play-mates and adults, as we see in isolated rural areas or the highly protective childhood of a privileged elite, develop a more vulnerable and less flexible personality.

14 The twelve-year period of primary and secondary education is an important equalising factor, because it forces all children, regardless of their background or home-situation, to experience, daily, a sphere of intense contacts with each other, and, without this prolonged period of daily togetherness, many people would remain a rather immature, defective and vulnerable personality.

15 Let us now concentrate on a discussion of those features in a personality, which tend to "smooth" relationships and contacts. What sort of attitudes or behavioural trends cause difficulties, frictions and irritations during inter-personal contacts, in particular, if we look at the contacts that occur between essentially equally placed individuals? The problem we face, here, is the fact, that, many of these mechanisms and criteria of classification are still poorly verbalised or conceptualised, because we still do not have a generally agreed-upon imagery of the basic human personality, nor, do we have a generally agreed-upon imagery of those "border" or "frontier" mechanisms, which make the difference between a pleasant or attractive personality, and, a personality that is repulsive or irritating.

16 We see, that the main feature, here, is a smoothly operating mechanism letting us slide between a measure of aggressive self-assertiveness and a retreating, compensating or "yielding" attitude, where we "give in" to the assertiveness of someone else. This mechanism requires a smooth inter-action between personalities, as well as a high level of trust and familiarity with each other's behavioural characteristics, and it is, therefore, only possible between individuals, who know each other well. If an individual becomes too assertive and does not know, how to yield, or does not want to yield, the continuous tone of egocentricity always requiring others to give-way, alienates, and, eventually, leads to friction and anger.

17 Similarly, if a personality is extremely defensive and suspicious, it can not participate in this smooth inter-play between assertiveness and yielding. Such a defensive personality can not assert itself, nor can it lead, since it lacks the qualities of courage, imagination or openness, which are the hall-mark of a persuasive leadership, but, it also fails to yield, because all yielding is interpreted as a threat to basic security.

18 We have, on various occasions, discussed the crippling effects of a depraved and deprived up-bringing, where the lack of shelter, stimulation and encouragement leads to a severely defective and unviable personality. Such a personality is not viable, at least, not in the more stringent and conformist societies of smaller social groupings, while in a loose, lax and unstructured affluent society, such crippled personalities can often hide behind a faceless anonymity, as long as they are not drifting into overt criminal activities.

19 A smooth give and take between more or less equally placed personalities requires a great deal of conformity and familiarity. If people with vastly different backgrounds meet each other, it becomes immediately apparent, that there is a lack of sub-verbal and emotional communications, which is based upon a bond of familiarity that emerges between people, who grew-up together, went to school together, played the same sports, etc.

20 If people barely speak the same language, it becomes much more difficult to communicate, and, this lack of an undertone of familiarity poses an extra strain on the mechanisms of communication. Such people will not communicate with each other, unless they have to, and we see, indeed, that the contacts between "essential strangers" remain centered around a common point of interest. Contacts remain centered around some sort of a professional or business interest, which led to the contact in the first place.

21 Now, we can appreciate, to some extent, why we need a careful code of conduct, as well as extensive safeguards against misunderstandings, if we want to see something fruitful come out of contacts between people, who do not share the "infra-structure" of a common cultural pool or educational back-ground.

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Chapter 3

Content

The many ways strangers may meet.
Business contacts.
An atmosphere of comfort and relaxation helps us to "get to know each other".
Maintaining each other's sense of dignity and comfort.
Official visits of political leaders and their dignitaries.
A meeting between hierarchically unequally placed people.
The frequent abuse of a position of power or influence; corruption.
Hearing "the raw truth" may be embarrassing.
The art of avoiding a feeling of embarrassment when giving unpleasant but honest advice.
The doctor and his patient.
Professional workmanship, and a compassionate attitude.
Contacts between essentially equal strangers when making use of public means of transportation.
The common bonds created by an unusual event.
Shared existential needs.
The wisdom of respecting each other's shell of privacy when everything is routine.
When the bored stranger succeeds in transferring his burden of boredom to a captive listener.
The arrogance of an eager conversationalist.

1 How do strangers meet? There are several ways strangers may get together, and start some sort of communication. The meeting may be arranged beforehand, such as in business contacts, conferences and conventions, or, it may be a more personal contact on a professional level, such as a client seeking medical, legal or financial advise; or, we may put ourselves in the audience of a teacher. These examples represent an un-equal relationship, where we are paying for some sort of a service and submitting ourselves to advise or teachings, or, we may communicate, to some extent, with "equals"; other pupils in a class-room, or, patients waiting in a doctor's office, etc.

2 In business-contacts, we see the most elaborate efforts to create an atmosphere of "smooth relations", in particular, if a client is received by a salesman who hopes that a good impression by him, and a good mood on the part of the client, will be a winning combination upon which his livelyhood rests. We see, how the clever businessman has perfected the techniques of communicating with a total stranger. The stranger is exuberantly welcomed, and all his needs and wishes are taken care of. The businessman knows, how important it is to make the visitor comfortable, and, this is done by a combination of providing, carefully but unobtrusively, for his needs, and, giving the visitor a sense of importance.

3 The contact starts with a greeting; a warm handshake and a broad smile, indicating, in a near universal language, that the visitor is welcome and has nothing to fear. He will be honoured and entertained. The first moments, or, even, the first few hours, depending upon the circumstances, are devoted to creating this all-important atmosphere of relaxation, where the two strangers are getting a chance to get used to each other's voice, gestures, habits, etc. In short, a whole host of behavioural parameters are judged and surveyed, or, at least, taken note of, in a more or less subconscious and intuitive manner.

4 Strangers use the code of polite behaviour for an all-out effort to avoid insulting or ruffling each other. This is done by a contest of politeness, a liberal use of smiles, an abundance of apologies for minor inconveniences, mishaps or miscalculations, a scrupulous attention to the needs and wishes of the visitor, as well as the avoidance of any questions that may be regarded as unduly inquisitive or probing, etc. The central concern for a smooth contact between people who are essential strangers, is the maintenance of each other's dignity and comfort, while an intelligent and quick scanning is taking place of each other's appearances and behavioural characteristics.

5 Apart from a general code of conduct between strangers, there is a more complex protocol regulating the behaviour of strangers in case of major differences in the hierarchical position between the visitor and his host. It may be, that a highly placed visitor has only a short time to accomplish, whatever task has to be done, and, nearly every moment is then carefully placed in the context of a program of activities, which regulates the official visit from beginning to end.

6 If the visitor is a highly placed political leader or offical dignitary, we see, that, elaborate security precautions are carried-out by an "advance party", as well as the host country. This is necessary to minimise possible dangers to the visitor and his "entourage", which invariably surrounds highly placed political leaders. The protocol of an official visit, e.g., of one head of state visiting another, is pre-occupied, not only, with safety and comfort for the visiting head of state, but, also, for a carefully maintained status of equality between the heads of two sovereign states. The host can not afford to appear to "lower" himself for the sake of making his host welcome, because the image of the heads of state are closely watched and scrutinised by millions of citizens in either country.

7 The point we want to make, here, is the fact, that a meeting between strangers has to protect, carefully, their hierarchical position and dignity, as they are perceived to be present and associated with an official function or position. This is the reason, why a doctor, receiving a patient in his office, behaves differently than a salesman, who hopes to conclude a good business deal from a relaxed and comfortable buyer. The patient is also a client, but he comes to seek advice and he expects a position of knowledge and authority, while the commercial buyer, who often represents a branch of government, or a large company, is in a position of power, because he can often choose between a number of competing suppliers of the required goods and services.

8 Not surprisingly, a position of power is often abused for egocentric objectives, such as, e.g., by offering and accepting a bribe. The decision to buy a certain product is, then, not anymore based on the principle of "value for money", but, on the illegal and surreptitious benefits for the buyer in stead of the party he represents. This practice is, of course, a form of corruption, because the party represented by the buyer does not receive the best possible value, whenever the buyer, or, any government official in a similar position of power, uses this position for his own benefit. Quickly, we see a situation, where officials expect, or demand, a certain percentage of the value of a contract, as an outright "kick-back" for handing-out such a government contract to one business or another.

9 In a professional relationship between a lawyer, a doctor or an accountant and their respective clients, we see, that professional advise may have to be given in a somewhat guarded or muted form, because "the raw truth" may be shocking and unpleasant for the client. A professional, who is honest and efficient, but has no feeling for the sensitivities of his clients, may find, to his surprise and dismay, that his advice is not as much appreciated as he thinks it should, and, eventually, every professional realises, that the client is king in a free-enterprise environment. It is important to be able to give advise, in particular, advise that touches upon sensitive and private matters, in such a way, that the client understands, clearly, what the best course of action is, and yet, is not embarrassed or insulted by the difficult advise that has been given.

10 Here, we touch upon the attitudes that govern inter-personal contacts. If a professional sees only the cold and clinical facts of what has gone wrong, and, how it should be corrected, he may give technically sound advise, but the experienced professional will also understand the common failures, temptations and mistakes that lie behind a particular predicament, or, the hardship and suffering that are associated with the misfortune of a serious accident or disease. By knowing, a little better, the human aspects of the "pathology" involved, he can show through the hard realities of his professional recommendations, an understanding and compassionate attitude. He shows, then, understanding for the "hard work" needed to correct a problem, or the hardships that are involved with attempts to diagnose and treat a serious illness.

11 Let us come back to the contacts that are taking place between strangers, because there is one large category we have not discussed as yet. Strangers, often, share a public vehicle, or public accomodation, and, the temporary confinement, or the temporary closeness, of sharing the same mode of transportation or accomodation may be the initial motivation to begin some sort of dialogue.

12 In contrast with "arranged" contacts, where the situation determines, from the start, the hierarchical relationships between individuals, these "chance-contacts", resulting from shared accomodations or public means of transportation, take place in a sphere of "equality". Because there is nothing pre-arranged about them, there is no real need for any contact whatsoever, unless a common interest develops for one reason or another. The most common reason is a problem with the vehicle of transportation; a break-down of a bus or train, a delay in the expected time of arrival, etc.

13 All these happenings cause, quickly, a strain in the existential needs of the passengers involved. Connections will be missed, one is getting hungry or thirsty, or, the safety of the passengers is at stake. In such a change of expected circumstances, many people will automatically start to talk with each other about their common problems. Regardless, how different their backgrounds, now, they share a common and immediate existential concern; how to get, in time, where they are supposed to be, etc.

14 It is indeed remarkable, that total strangers can communicate and cooperate effectively with each other, especially, if the common problem becomes a serious one. Sometimes, of course, there is little people can do, and, they can only wait in silent prayer for the outcome of an event, if they share the experience of engine trouble during the flight of an air-liner, but, in many other situations, the conditions do not slide so quickly into a hopeless passivity, and, there will be much more scope for an initiative of cooperation and communication, e.g., when a long delay in a train or other earth-bound vehicle is becoming a burden and a difficulty, but not an immediate crisis or a near-certainty of death.

15 These considerations make it understandable, why commuters in a public vehicle of transportation, rarely talk to each other, if they are complete strangers, and, why they prefer to read a paper, or a book, while waiting to get to their place of destination. Why should they even want to talk to each other? What reason do they have to talk, in particular, if they do not even know each other's name? Unless there is an unexpected event taking place in this particular commuter environment, very few people will feel the urge to talk to each other, and, if someone does feel such an urge and does try to make a conversation, most of the experienced commuters will let the conversation die as quickly as possible, preferring to occupy themselves with something of their own choice.

16 We make a mistake, and, we show a lack of understanding about the normal mechanisms and motives for communicating, if we shake our head about this phenomenon. It is only an apparent anomaly that people may share, for months on end, the same commuter train or compartment without talking to each other, while they would have no hesitation to do so, or, even, help and cooperate with each other, if an accident would happen, or, if an unusual event would break the tacit convention of silence.

17 The convention of silence, of not communicating unless there is a need to do so, can be interpreted as an attempt not to interfere with each other's sphere of privacy, regardless, how crowded the conditions may be, whenever we share a crowded bus or commuter train. It is quite logical, that we feel someone's attempts to begin a conversation as an intrusion of our privacy, as well as an unwarranted demand upon our time. If someone gets bored just sitting there between reading commuters, and, if this person feels the need to start an unnecessary conversation, he is indeed forcing someone else to help him fight his boredom, and, if this fight against boredom is accomplished by telling the polite stranger, all about himself, then, he succeeds in transferring his burden of boredom to the captive listener.

18 A conversation may, indeed, be used as a vehicle to fight a feeling of loneliness and boredom, especially, by those who can not sit still and read for themselves, and, in doing so, they impose themselves upon others. It is not surprising, that many people resent such an act, and, that they make it abundantly clear to the garrulous passenger, that his attempts at getting a conversation going, are not appreciated. A sensitive and intelligent individual would never make the mistake of pressing an unwanted conversation. From one casual remark, or, perhaps, just from the way someone looks and behaves, an intelligent observer knows, whether or not someone may be interested in a conversation, and, if there is so much as the slightest indication that a passenger may not want to engage in a conversation, the issue is not pursued.

19 Sometimes, people seem to be willing to "press the issue", in spite of the fact, that they have received clear signals that such a conversation is not wanted. Perhaps, the urge is too strong and someone has to talk, but, sometimes, the motivation is more arrogant, as people still believe, mistakenly, that this barrier of silence is just a communal experience of shyness, and, that everyone is waiting for the "leader" to begin a conversation.

20 This is a complete misreading of the situation at hand, and, more often than not, the persistent or arrogant seeker of a conversation will, eventually, find a rude reception by someone, who makes it abundantly clear that the conversation is not appreciated. Hurt, our eager conversationalist sinks back into his corner; angry at first, but, then, his natural arrogance wins-out and he dismisses the incident as the behaviour of a "crack-pot"; one of those irascible people, who can not stand other people and reacts rudely and impatiently to someone else's efforts to start a civil conversation.

.......

Chapter 4

Content

Being gruff and rude may be justified.
The many minor stresses we are routinely subjected to.
The importance of environmental conditions for our well-being.
The stress of living together at close quarters.
Responsibility and leadership.
How to react to the many stresses of social inter-actions.
The ability to resign, gracefully, a position of leadership based on a popular mandate.
The world-wide abolition of authoritarian regimes that occupy a position of power through the force of the gun.
The need to suppress and eliminate, decisively and forcefully, groups that try to destroy the democratic principle.
We have to evaluate carefully the stress-load we are under.
Resilience and irritability.
An angry and irritable reaction is incompatible with a position of high public office.
We can sympathise with an outburst of anger and irritation in response to chronic stress.
When attitudes are shaped by the need to make a living.
Art, freedom, and employment by the State.
Unbridled irascibility is undisciplined.
Problems encountered by an eccentric personality.
The stress between an individual and his social environment.
Is eccentricity justified by productivity?
Retrospective judgements.
There may well be undisciplined and immature features in the personality of an eccentric genius.
When the eccentric is only seen through his works.
The error of admiring all the features of a personality who has produced something we admire.
Examining, carefully, the criteria necessary to "make a lasting contribution".

1 Indeed, it sounds gruff and rude to tell some-one to shut-up, and, it may, indeed, be a weakness and a liability to get so easily irritated. Let us examine, then, what the behaviour of an irritable or irascible personality is like, and, let us discuss, in detail, what sort of motivations may play a role in behaviour that could be called "irascible".

2 We are all subjected, every day, to minor stresses and problems that may irritate us, but, as a rule, we take them in stride, and, we give them little thought. These stresses and demands may come from our natural environment, in particular, if we live in a severe climate with extremes of temperatures, floods or draughts.

3 We are especially vulnerable to adverse weather conditions, if we live-off the land, but, we may also be exposed to environmental stresses because of inadequate shelter. We have discussed, on several occasions, how important environmental conditions are for our well-being. Man's remarkable manipulative and technological mastery, ranging from the use of clothes to air-conditioned or heated and insulated dwellings, has made it possible for man to expand, greatly, the range of his "natural habitat", but, now and then, we are still subjected to minor stresses and discomforts.

4 These discomforts and stresses may also come from our human environment; e.g., if we live close together in a confined space, or, if we carry the responsibility of earning a living for our dependents; if there are strong and chronic frictions between the members of a family, or, if a great demand is made upon our time, skills and mental or emotional resources. This is especially likely, if we happen to occupy a strenuous, demanding and difficult position of responsibility and authority. In a position of authority and responsibility, we are expected to give leadership and advise, to carry-out a difficult or dangerous task; to reconcile, with painfully slow negotiations, the many conflicts of interest and hostile tensions that may exist between groupings within a social unit, or between national entities.

5 There are numerous examples of stressful, demanding and tiring positions of authority and leadership. Unless we feel highly rewarded in such a position, the stresses may become too much, and, we may want to resign our post. The rewards of a position of authority are, primarily, the sense of power, as well as the attention and respect that are associated with a position of high political leadership. However, if we begin to feel frustrated by the events, or by the intrigues and agitations of factions that are against us, or, if we begin to lack the energy and endurance to persist in the tasks we have committed ourselves to, then, the position of power becomes, quickly, an intolerable burden.

6 How can we react to the many phenomena of stress from a social origin? We react, primarily, by carefully balancing the responsibilities we take upon ourselves with the responsibilities we delegate to others. In complex, modern societies, the success or failure of a leadership position depends, to a large extent, upon the "wisdom" with which a political leadership structure has been shaped or allowed to evolve. If a position of leadership becomes, or remains, a "popular choice", then, the ultimate responsibility reverts back to the electorate, and, if the people become unhappy or disenchanted with a leadership, they can vote it out of office, whenever the time for a general election has come.

7 We do not want to discuss these matters in detail, but, let us only re-iterate, here, that, even, from a personal, stress-tolerating point of view, a democratically elected leadership with a workable and sufficiently detailed Constitution, is the only truly viable leadership-structure, because it can grow and adapt with changing circumstances. A leadership that comes to power by force, is, nearly always, toppled by force, and, the primitive infighting by power-hungry groups represents a form of leadership that is so inadequate, so incompetent, and so out of place in our modern times, that, one of the most urgent tasks we face in the world today, is the world-wide abolition of regimes that occupy a position of power by the force of the gun.

8 At the same time, let us re-state the principle, that, a democracy can only work, if a society has the will, and the insight, to suppress, decisively and forcefully, any attempts by small dissenting groups to disrupt or paralyse society. This means, that law and order under a democratic Constitution has to be maintained with decisiveness. It means, that no group or segment of society should be allowed, by strikes and monopolies, or, by lobbies and the power of wealth, to have a greater influence on society than is commensurate with its democratic voice.

9 Let us not deviate from our objective, here, which is to trace the way we, as individuals, can react to the stresses that are caused by the demands and responsibilities of a social position. Obviously, a careful concern for the load we take upon ourselves in view of our own abilities and resources, is crucially important, because, any burden that is too heavy for a fairly prolonged period of time, will wear us down and will interfere with the effectiveness of our performance. Apart from the principle that we have to learn to recognise, accurately, what sort of stress-load we can tolerate comfortably, we see, that, still, from time to time, our resilience and patience may fall-short. We may become irritable, and we start to react angrily.

10 While an angry reaction is, often, the most honest one, unfortunately, we also tend to say or do things in our anger, which are wide open to criticisms, and, by increasing the level of criticism against us, we undermine our position of authority and leadership even further, and, we increase immediately the stress-load of our situation. We see, therefore, that an angry and irritable reaction is incompatible with a position of high public responsibility and authority, and, we will, therefore, not find irascible people in a position of leadership, unless they have protected themselves with a loyal army and occupy their position as a dictator.

11 Yet, most of us can sympathise with an outburst of anger and irritation in response to chronic stress, in particular, if we agree, that the stress of attack and criticism is undeserved. By showing anger, and, by reacting honestly, we restore, to some extent, an atmosphere of credibility, because, we show the people that leaders are human too. If we can measure our manifestations of anger, carefully, and, if we can control our irritation to such an extent, that we are not making any mistakes, we may fortify our position by showing a reaction people can identify with. However, we are walking a tight-rope, here, because, in a truly spontaneous outburst of anger, we usually make accusations, which we can not substantiate, and, we will then have to retract them and apologize.

12 Ordinary people, who go about the business of life without a position of prominence, or the need to deal smoothly and suavely with a large number of essentially unknown people, are more inclined to react openly and emotionally to the irritations they perceive and are sujected to. People, who are self-employed and make a living in a more or less independent life-style, can afford to be more blunt than those who are employed and depend for their livelyhood on the pay-cheque they receive from their employer.

13 However, no-one really lives completely independently, and, even, the most ardent seekers of truth and honesty, such as artists or thinkers, still have to inter-act with a number of people, who must like their work to some extent, because everyone needs some income, (given by patrons of the art, or publishers who are willing to take the risk publishing a philosophical work), unless the individual happens to be "independently wealthy". Yet, even so, most people, who can afford to retire early and live frugally off their savings, have earned their small investment capital themselves, and, they have, therefore, "made a living", at one time or another during their career, and, they have experienced the fact, that they had to "please the public".

14 Indeed, the most unbridled personalities, who may show their irritations freely, seem to exist in the fields of artistic expression, because, in particular, with the advent of the romantic era, art became much more "free". The artistic activity ceased to be a commission from the ruling families, and, it became an individualistic search for what was meaningful and honest. In our modern times, we have seen, to some extent, a return of the artist to the "employment of the State", as many of them have become dependent upon official support, grants and subsidies, in order to survive.

15 True, unbridled irascibility, where an individual strikes angrily at everything that irritates him, is, therefore, a highly unviable way to behave, but, it has been romanticised and glorified, at least, to some extent, by those, who have taken such behaviour as the epitomy of the search for truth and honesty. Certainly, it is occasionally possible, that a gifted pioneer in the arts, science or thought, may drift, gradually, into a world of his own, and, the contacts with people in his environment become then more difficult.

16 Because of an extreme pre-occupation with matters that are foreign to the people around him, the dedicated artist, scientist, or thinker, must necessarily appear to become more "eccentric" to his social environment, and, this pre-occupation with a world of his own, leads, often, to a neglect of personal appearance that is frowned-upon. The neglect may be in habits of living and dress, or the state of one's home. The eccentric may be neglecting his family; his wife may become disgusted with his behaviour, and, because such pioneers are, often, somewhat lonely and introvert people to begin with, the gap between them and their social surroundings may increase rapidly.

17 This gap is seldom perceived clearly, either, by the pioneer, or, his environment, but, it is "acted-out" in a series of tensions and conflicts, which may drive the eccentric even further into his shell. He may become extremely irritable as a defense against these chronic tensions, and as a subconscious expression of the wish "to be left alone".

18 However, how do we distinguish such behaviour from the eccentric who is not a great pioneer, and, who will not leave, eventually, an admired legacy to mankind? What about the individual, who has never been able to relate well to his social surroundings; who has been a loner all his life, and, who was able to survive due to a parental inheritance which gave him financial security and a place to live? In short; when is eccentricity and a gap between an individual and his social surroundings, due to an immaturity or a measure of undisciplined behaviour on the part of the loner, and, when do we say, that this gap was the inevitable result of a genius, who was so far ahead of his time that the people in his surroundings did not have a clue what he was doing?

19 Indeed, there may not be an essential difference, except a difference in retro-spective judgement. After the death of a lone and eccentric personality, he is quickly forgotten, and, the only judgement that stands, at least, for a while, is the judgement of the social environment, which reflects little sympathy for the eccentric. His egocentric, irascible and anti-social behaviour, together with the undisciplined characteristics of his personality, have not benefitted his environment.

20 The immediate social judgement of a personality who may, eventually, be considered as an artistic, scientific or philosophic contributor, may be essentially similar, because the behaviour and the appearance of such an individual would have been the same for the social environment. Besides, there may well be undisciplined and immature characteristics in the personality of the eccentric genius, but, the very fact that he has "produced" something of value, must mean, that he had, at least, a measure of discipline and coherence, otherwise, no significant contribution could have been made.

21 In the case of the "genius", or, rather, an individual, who leaves a legacy that is eventually recognised as a contribution, the social judgement of the contemporary environment, is, eventually, over-taken by a much later, but, also, much wider audience, which sees and knows the eccentric only through his works. Gone are all the peculiar frictions and controversies that surrounded the individual during his life-time, and, the personality of a creative and admired artist is always reconstructed from the view-point of the admirer. The flaws and short-comings in the personality are, then, looked upon with an attitude of curiosity, and, because of the fact that the art-lover never had to deal with the irritable or irascible personality of "his hero", it is very easy to revere these short-comings or defensive reactions as a colourful illustration of the personality of an artist.

22 There is something hypocritical and irrational in "admiring" all the features of a personality, just because he or she has produced something we consider to be valuable. We still have to learn to see, why a particular contribution means something to us, and, to what extent we re-create a work of art in our own minds. It is perfectly natural to worship our heroes, in particular, if they have produced something we still admire and revere today, but, we have to learn to acknowledge the role our heroes play in the reality perceptions and emotions of their audience. While we may, rightly, marvel at the fact, that an artist, a thinker, or a scientist, has made such a long-lasting contribution, we owe it to ourselves, for the sake of understanding the mechanisms of our own personality, to know, what the criteria are for making a "lasting contribution", and, we have to examine, carefully and closely, under what sort of circumstances an individual could make a contribution that is admired and revered by future generations.

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Chapter 5

Content

The irascible personality remains curiously ambivalent.
An aggressive reaction, whenever a particular irritant is "brushed aside".
A defensive over-reaction?
The cool analysis and effective removal of an irritant.
The reaction of "moving-away".
Frictions associated with a state of over-crowding.
I am a somewhat irascible personality.
A few personal notes.
People feel vulnerable, when their cherished certainties are challenged.
The written word is more suitable for a calm, persuasive argument.
My works will have to make it on their own merit.
An idea or opinion can not be changed by force; only its appearance.
There was a time when entire nations embraced a belief on the basis of political or military power.
The persuasiveness of a position of genuine and deserved authority is enormous.
Getting rid of festering feelings of frustration and dishonesty.
When irascibility represents a revolt against platitudes and dishonesty.
An endearing "crusty personality".
The link between gruffness and shyness.

1 We should not pursue the philosophy of art, nor the reasons, why we sometimes admire contributions that were made a long time ago. We want to discuss the irascible personality, because such a person remains curiously ambivalent; partly attractive and disarming, partly irritating and repulsive.

2 Irascibility may, indeed, be the subject of appreciative curiosity, or, it may be ignored and patronised as essentially harmless; or, it may be shunned and feared, and, eventually, condemned as anti-social and unethical. Let us go back, once again, to the mechanisms that may lead to irascible behaviour. We have seen, that, irascibility is a reaction of irritability and anger, and, we know, that it is, in essence, an aggressive reaction, where a particular irritant is "brushed-away" with force. Perhaps, aggression is not quite the right word, here, because irascibilty is, in essence, a defensive reaction. Nevertheless, it is a forceful reaction, that may easily lead to an attitude of retaliation, which is, certainly, on the aggressive side of our behavioural scale, even, if we can justify such an act of aggression as a defensive over-reaction to an irritant without opportunistic aspects, whatsoever.

3 A stress or irritant does not have to be reacted-to with an attitude of anger and irritation. We can adopt a cooler and more rational attitude, where we analyse the problem and try to remove the origins of a stressful force on our well-being. This is, by far, the most effective method of coping with a stress, but, it requires an act of intelligent concentration, as well as a certain amount of dexterity in communicating with other people, and, we have seen, that the irascible personality, often, lacks just those qualities.

4 We can also yield or avoid the pressures by "moving away", but, this is usually an unsatisfactory solution, as the pressures easily re-assert themselves, regardless of the efforts we have made to avoid them. However, if tensions and frictions are due to "over-crowding", then, a greater space between people would, indeed, "solve the problem", but, over-crowding means, also, that the most obvious solution of "more space", is not available.

5 The point, is, that a rational outsider can, easily, solve the frictions and tensions between people, at least, in theory, but, the obvious solution may not be available. A careful analysis may, then, reveal some room for manoeuvering, as well as an improvement of the situation, and, one logical solution is to appeal for a greater degree of tolerance and mutual understanding. At the same time, the frictions of over-crowding can be lessened by mobilising the energies of the people into a common goal and a shared mood of optimistic expectations.

6 So far, we have discussed irritabiliy, exclusively, as an emotional and angry reaction to a particular form of stress, but, there is another form of irritability, which is, in a sense, not really due to a stress-load that has been imposed upon an individual by his environment. I am thinking about the exasperation and irritability an individual may feel, if he or she is surrounded by people who think quite differently. Such tensions may induce a subconscious attitude of condemnation by the eccentric individual towards his surroundings, and, the atmosphere of muted hostility and criticism may easily be reciprocated by the people who live in close proximity to an eccentric individual. The subconscious judgement of "stupidity" lends an air of irascibility to anyone, who would like to lecture to the people around him.

7 You suspect, that I am thinking about myself, and, it is true, that I am often irritable. This is primarly caused by the fact, that there are so many opinions, practices and assumptions, I completely disagree with. There is, indeed, a large gap between the world "as I perceive it to be", and a world that is healthy and viable, at least, in my judgement, but, then, I think, that I am realistic enough not to hit my head against a brick wall in frustration. The most I can hope for, is to be recognised, at some time in the future, as someone, who had something to say. Then, some people may find it worthwhile to look at the way I thought about man and his world. If they do, I may have some influence upon them, and, their behaviour and opinions may evolve into a direction that would be a little more viable, and give the future generations a chance to live, physically and mentally, in reasonably healthy conditions.

8 I know, that one can not become impatient or expect to see major changes take place soon. It is probably, even, irrealistic to expect, that any notice will be taken during one's lifetime, in particular, if a writer has not built-up an audience already, while still alive. If a writer starts completely at the bottom, without any connections to the world of publishing or a circle of influential critics who could help to focus the attention of the public upon one's work, it seems a hopeless task to get people, even, to have a look.

9 I have given-up the idea, that it is possible to influence one's social environment by talking to people, because such a contact seems to be felt, so quickly, as a form of "preaching", where people resent to have a particular point of view imposed upon them. Such an approach to preach a new philosophy is, indeed, so preposterous and ambitious, that people immediately reject such attempts, because they feel, that the author lacks all authority, or credibility, to come-up with new and valid ideas.

10 Indeed, I have been exceptionally unsuccessful conveying my ideas by discussing them with others, and, I think that my tendency to be impatient, is only a part of the problem. The main reason is, that people find it very difficult to, even, think about the many concerns that have occupied me throughout my life, and, if they are consciously aware of the importance of these problems, they tend to find their answers in a well-established religious or philosophical truth. I have no authority. I do not occupy a high and prominent position in society. I am not a professor, a well-known writer, or a television personality, and, why then, should anyone pay attention to what I have to say, especially, if my ideas are difficult to follow and go right against prevailing contemporary wisdoms?

11 Occasionally, I have had a chance to explain a few thoughts, but, I always get the impression, that the argument or line of thought is not being followed. In stead, the audience seems to grasp only a few phrases, here and there, completely out of context, and, because of the often radical implications of such a fundamental re-thinking of the world of our reality perceptions, I notice, that people shrink back, being too polite to say outright to your face, that you are a revolutionary or a lunatic.

12 It used to irritate me, that I could not discuss my ideas with the people around me, but, I have accepted the facts as they are. I only "talk", now, to my audience in my writings, but, I realise that I have to keep a realistic audience in mind, otherwise the chances of recognition become practically nil. Have I become less irascible, then? Or, is it just a matter of ageing; of being less energetic; of giving-up hope to correct with a forceful argument, someone's ideas and opinions? Partly, this is indeed the case, but, in part, I have learned to accept the fact, that the opinions and beliefs of people are almost impossible to influence with a debate or an argument.

13 People feel vulnerable, when their cherished certainties are challenged, and, they naturally resist any attempt to be "converted", either towards a particuar religious point of view, or, even more so, to a somewhat slippery and relativistic philosophy. In a way, the written word is more suitable for a calm, persuasive argument, because there is no demanding or irascible personality waiting for a reaction. The student of a text can slowly read and re-read a passage. One can stop or start at any time, and, one can not be confronted with an unexpected argument. Everything the writer wanted to say is there; nothing can be changed anymore, and, frequently, the writer has died already a long time ago. The text may become more familiar, as time goes by, and, more and more people begin to look at the works of a thinker.

14 Therefore, I have opted, entirely, for the idea that my works have to make it on their own merit, and, I shun any form of promotion or advertising; yet, my work will, eventually, have to be "announced" and presented to the people. A work has to be available, before anyone can begin to study and reflect upon it.

15 However, let us abandon this sideline into my particular circumstances, because it may have little relevance for those, who are still looking for the fulfilment of my initial promise to make the irascible personality more understandable. What are the reasons, why we get irascible and exasperated? We have discussed a few mechanisms, so far, and, let me state, here, clearly, that it is unproductive and somewhat arrogant to get irascible and exasperated with people, because they do not want to listen or take note of new ideas that seem to challenge the traditional wisdoms of society.

16 Apart from the fact, that nothing is accomplished, an angry and irrational outburst only adds to the difficulties of communicating, and, the ability to influence the belief-structures of the people in one's environment, has lessened even further. This does not mean, that I can always control my temper, or, that I always succeed in suppressing an angry reaction, when I see people make the same stupid mistakes, over and over again. However, I have learned, that one can never change a belief or an opinion by force, and, it is one of the great beauties of life, that a belief-structure can not be changed, except in its outward appearance, by the force of the gun.

17 Yet, you may argue, that entire nations have acquired their particular religious beliefs because of political conquests and the forceful introduction of new ideas. Yes, the accidents of history determine, to a large extent, not only, the particular beliefs and reaction-patterns of the people, but, also, of the community as a whole. Certainly, beliefs and religious convictions have been adopted, wholesale, by entire populations, often, by the example or authority of their leaders, but, this is really not any different from the fact, that we still tend to believe and follow our leaders. We are still willing to enter into a battle with the citizens of another country, if our leaders tell us, that it is our patriotic duty to defend the honour, and the glory, of the nation.

18 The persuasiveness of a position of genuine and deserved authority is enormous, and, if some future leaders recognise, at least, a few of my thoughts and works as useful and worthwhile, these essays could, eventually, have an influence that surpasses any personal effort I could make during my life-time. I know, that I am the worst possible salesman for my own work!

19 Is irascibility and anger, then, always a mistake and a liability, even, if we tend to forgive or whitewash these liabilities in a personality, whose works we love and admire? Not really. Certainly, an irascible personality is not very suitable for a public function, but, the ability to show an emotion of anger, irritability and impatience, may be quite helpful to get rid of festering feelings of frustration and dishonesty.

20 Also, an irascible reaction may be refreshing for someone who has a good "feel" for the mechanisms of a personality, because, such a student of human nature will be able to recognise, at least, intuitively, when the irascible reaction is, merely, the result of immature and undisciplined behaviour, and, when irascibility is a revolt against platitudes and dishonesty; when it represents a courageous and deliberate attempt to speak the truth and react honestly and truthfully; when it is a reaction against a facile and polite facade that does not ruffle any feathers, but contributes nothing to the understanding of a problem or a situation.

21 Irascibility may, therefore, be "educational", especially, if it is associated with the ability to say things as they should be said; without avoiding problems and issues in polite and non-committal attitudes, designed to offend no-one and further one's own cause. Irascibility may, even, become endearing, because a "crusty personality" may hide a deep concern and an emotional attachment, making the feelings of affection and understanding more genuine and more deeply felt, compared to a situation, when these emotions and affections are uttered in an ostentatious and dramatic display. This brings us to the links between irritability, gruffness and shyness, and, let us, indeed, broaden our topic somewhat to include the shy personality, and, let us discuss the reasons, why a shy personality, often, tries to hide feelings and emotions behind a facade of gruffness and irascibility.

.......

Chapter 6

Content

What does it mean to be "shy"?
Why should we feel shy, or embarrassed, when called-upon to do something that is well within our capabilities?
Embarrassed by a focus of attention, or by showing emotions.
Learning to behave in "the proper way".
The profoundly disturbing influence of confused and ambivalent parents.
When we are rearing a monster.
Few people are completely successful in their subconscious efforts to become a mature, understanding and contributing member of their social environment.
Learning to live with unresolved and poorly understood tensions.
A review of the learning processes.
When we can not meet the expectations and demands made upon us.
We all are subjected to a confusing array of conflicting demands.
A crucial balance between encouragement and criticism.
The ability of self-criticism; self-confidence.
When we feel a strong, chronic and unexplained sense of discomfort or embarrassment.
Most phases of introvert behaviour are transient.
When contact is lost completely; the autistic child.
We need a measure of self-confidence, in order to behave in a normal and socially acceptable manner.
We also need the ability to learn from other people, as well as our own mistakes.

1 What does it mean to be shy? Is "being shy" synonymous with being introvert? Probably, many people will see little difference between these two terms, but, I believe that the more official term of being "introvert", is primarily used to describe an overall type of character or personality, while "being shy" may only apply to an attitude at a particular moment; when someone seems to be somewhat embarrassed or uncertain of him- or herself. Indeed, lack of confidence about how to behave, seems to be the over-riding feature of a type of behaviour we call "shy". Someone is shy, or behaves shyly, whenever the expected and normal behavioural reaction seems to be inhibited by a vague feeling of embarrassment or discomfort, in particular, when the expected behavioural response includes an act of "performance" or showmanship, where the attention of a number of strangers is focussed upon a shy personality.

2 Why, then, would someone feel embarrassed, or shy, when called-upon to do something that should be within the capabilities of an individual? Is it, indeed, a lack of confidence, and a fear that one's performance will be ridiculed or be found wanting? Or, is it merely an uncomfortable feeling that arises, whenever attention is being focussed upon someone who is not used to be in the lime-light? Is it, indeed, so much more difficult to speak to a group in stead of one person? Is shyness exclusively related to an act of performance?

3 Not really, because, as we have seen, many people feel uncomfortable, inhibited or embarrassed by their emotions, regardless of the type of emotions they are subjected to. Many people are just as embarrassed about showing their sorrow as they are receiving compliments, and, in an effort to cut-short a somewhat embarrassing situation, people may become brusque, or, even, somewhat irritated. How do all these mechanisms fit-together?

4 We have seen, that we form our personality, primarily, during childhood and adolescence, but, during this time, we have to acquire a large number of skills and appropriate behaviour-patterns. These will, eventually, turn us into mature adults, capable of coping with the problems of finding the best possible behavioural responses for a large variety of circumstances. As we have discussed, this long period of "becoming" an adult, means, that we are also vulnerable, for a long period of time, and, we would not have survived, if we had not been protected by the parental generation during this prolonged period of growing-up.

5 Slowly, we "learn" to behave in the "proper" way. The teaching of proper behaviour starts, already, as an infant, when we learn, subconsciously of course, that we get some attention, and, that our needs and reasonable demands are met, but, we also learn, that it is not tolerated, at least, not by sensible parents, to completely dominate the people around us and absorb all their time and attention. In a "natural", primitive society, the adults who are looking after infants and young children, have numerous other tasks and responsibilities to fulfill, and, this still holds true, as well, for most working people in a modern social environment.

6 However, as a result of confused parental attitudes and the desire to have a limited number of children, or, because of guilt-feelings about the ambivalence parents may experience towards their offspring, we see, that, modern parents in our chaotic societies, are, often, incapable of establishing a natural, stable and sensible parental relationship with their child. If, finally, a child has been born and has escaped the abortionist, the deep seated guilt-feelings manifest themselves in an over-anxious attitude, where the infant is picked-up and molly-coddled the moment it cries.

7 As it grows-up, the child learns, quickly, that it can get what it wants by a demanding form of behaviour, and, the modern, confused parent is in the process of rearing a monster; an unbridled, undisciplined, totally egocentric and unattractive personality, who will have great difficulties blending-in with other children, and may, eventually, become a psychopath and a criminal.

8 However, let us not slide into a discussion of the many tragic abnormalities we can see in the attitudes and practices of affluent parents in confused and chaotic societies. We want to emphasise, here, the fact, that the behavioural response of a newborn infant is nothing more than a cry when there is something wrong, and, from this totally helpless infant, eventually, a fully mature, capable and integrated adult has to develop. No wonder, that a lot has to be learned, and, it takes a long time to learn everything that is necessary for a productive role in society.

9 Certainly, few people are completely successful in this subconscious task to become a mature, comprehending member of society. Many of us succeed, sufficiently, to fit-in, somewhere, but, most of us have to live, also, with unresolved and poorly understood tensions and frustrations, which result from a discrepancy between our goals and achievements, as well as a discrepancy between our inclinations and what we are allowed to do by our social environment.

10 Almost constantly, during childhood and adolescence, we encounter situations, where we are not sure how to respond, and, we have to learn, slowly, how to make the right choice. We have to learn, first of all, what sort of behaviour is tolerated by our social environment; what is expected from us, and, what sort of benefits we receive, when we make a serious effort to meet these expectations. We have to learn, to what extent our personal inclinations are tolerated, encouraged, or frowned-upon. We learn, that an attitude of sharing and cooperation, of obediance and a willingness to be guided, of enthousiasm and hard work for the chores that have been given to us, will reap approval and benefits, and, we learn, at the same time, that lying and stealing, dis-obediance and a shirking of responsibilities, laziness and a narrow egocentric attitude, will bring serious disapproval or outright condemnation and punishment; at least, from a healthy social environment.

11 We learn, mostly intuitively, how we can get-along with our peers, siblings, parents and educators, as well as other authorities in the community, including the numerous adults, institutions and specific circumstances we encounter during the formative years. We know, that there are many inclinations, impulses or drives that are contrary to the rules and regulations or the accepted customs of our society. We learn, that we are sometimes blamed for things we did not do, and, that some people will try to blame us deliberately and falsely. We learn, that others may be jealous of our accomplishments and popularity, or, that we may be envious of other people's achievements.

12 In short, we learn a gigantic volume of behavioural reaction-patterns, and, still, because of the complexity of the social and environmental conditions, it is not easy to learn or find clear-cut path-ways towards achievement and success. Often, we feel, rightly or wrongly, that we can not meet the demands and the expectations that have been placed upon us. It seems, that, the harder we try, and, the more we accomplish, the more we are expected to accomplish. We learn, that adults, often, take our hard work and efforts for granted, and, we may become disappointed and disillusioned. Or, we may experience the fact that people, including youngsters and adolescents, are not all treated the same. Some are liked or disliked for no apparent or fair reason. Some youngsters with powerful and influential parents seem to get-away with many more erroneous or harmful behaviour-patterns compared to those, who do not have such an efficient sphere of protection. In other words; we all are subject to a confusing array of conflicting pulls and demands.

13 If we happen to grow-up in a strongly competitive environment, where our participation in the social inter-play is often neglected or harshly criticised, we may become very uncertain of ourselves, and, we try to avoid conflicts, as well as any sort of action or behaviour that may "put us on the spot", or in the lime-light.

14 On the other hand, if we are the center of all attention at home, and, if our parents applaud everything we say or do, we may become over-confident. Initially, such a well-developed feeling of self-confidence will help us in our competitive struggles with those who are less sheltered and protected, but, eventually, we experience the sad fact, that our achievements and accomplishments are not as spectacular or popular as we were made to believe by the somewhat facile encouragements of well-meaning but uncritical parents.

15 In short; most of us are subjected to a "tug of war", where we are being pushed and pulled into contradictory directions. We are encouraged and stimulated by friends and family in those qualities and capabilities we seem to have an affinity for, but, at the same time, we are exposed to the competitive environment of the larger society, where we get an opportunity to judge our accomplishments on a much larger scale. This teaches us the invaluable ability of self-criticism, where we reject a facile contentment with a relatively easy accomplishment, and, we learn to set our standards high.

16 At the same time, we have sufficient encouragement and help to make us feel, that our accomplishments, so far, are worthwhile and valuable, and, that we do not have to be ashamed for what we know or can do. If this basic framework of confidence, or, the judgement that we can do, at least, something right, is missing, then, our whole behaviour becomes hesitant. If we are not sure, how to answer or respond forthrightly to questions, or, if we can not take a certain pride in what we have already accomplished, then, we will become unduly defensive and furtive in our attitudes. This leads to a lack of cooperation and communication with others, and, we tend to judge most contacts then as a "burden", and we withdraw in ourselves.

17 Fortunately, most of us avoid such an extreme development. Most of us realise, that we have short-comings, and, we like to hide these short-comings, at least, to some extent, and, if we have to respond in a manner that happens to give us, for one reason or another, a feeling of discomfort, we will behave "shyly". However, a moment later, we regain our self-confidence, react much more normally and blend-in, again, with our social environment. The moment of discomfort and embarrassment is, then, quickly forgotten.

18 However, if we feel a strong and chronic sense of discomfort or embarrassment, whenever we have to communicate with other people, play with other children, or, if we feel flustered and uncertain in every question we are asked, or, any sort of social contact, then, the problem is much more severe. We fail to experience this liberating feeling of confidence and harmony, and, we begin to show a lack in spontaneity. This, in turn, makes us less transparent for other people, children and adults alike, and, we are being judged as "strange". From here, it is a vicious circle with a continuous down-hill slide into a state of increasing isolation, unless the process is halted by an intelligent observer, who recognises the severity of the problem.

19 Fortunately, most children go through a phase of withdrawal and introvert behaviour without permanent psychological scarring, and this phase is, then, indeed, transient. A quality or capability is found around which careful and concerned parents and educators can still build a frame of confidence, and, slowly expanding upon this foundation of confidence, a youngster can, eventually, find a niche in society in which he or she is more or less comfortable.

20 If this basic foundation of confidence and communication is not built, contact is, eventually, lost completely. The individual withdraws permanently in him- or herself and loses the ability to communicate. Then, we speak about an "autistic child". In more permanent and severe cases, people exist in a world of their own, and, they have few contact-points with a sphere of reality that is shared by the rest of the people. This condition is loosely called a state of "schizophrenia", or "split mind", but under this incomplete and somewhat non-descript "diagnosis", we see a variety of disorders that may only resemble each other as a result of the common characteristic of a severely disturbed reality-perception, together with an impaired contact with the social environment.

21 Let us not go into a discussion of normal and abnormal states of the mind. We like to discuss, here, simply, the fact, that we all need a certain measure of self-confidence in order to enable us to communicate and behave in a way that is accepted as "normal", but, we also need a measure of self-criticism, as well as the ability to accept guidance and instructions, in order to learn efficiently and mature into a sensible adult. If we lack too much in confidence, we become shy, and, if the feature of shyness starts to dominate our personality, we may be labeled as an "introvert".

22 If we lack sufficient self-criticism and the ability to learn from other people's mistakes and behaviour-patterns, and, if we lack the willingness to accept advise or recommendations from people who are more experienced, we become prematurely rigid, recalcitrant, or, an unmanageable "spoiled brat". We lack, then, the ability to progress in our personality development, and, we will experience an increasing tension between ourselves and our environment. We may still function adequately in the environment of our up-bringing, but, an adaptation into a "strange" environment is then very difficult. If the familiar, "home environment" disappears, such people are easily "lost", as they are ignored and considered as useless by those, who do not belong to the home environment.

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Chapter 7

Content

The highest level of viability is always found in a vague and variable balance between rigidity and flexibility.
The balance between shyness and confidence.
Making a living from a pleasant and appealing image.
A reaction of suspicion to the polished personality.
Growing older and more defensive.
Seeing through the "fronts" of others, including our own tendencies to deceive ourselves.
The shifting trends of entertainment reflect the level of collective confidence, or the lack of it.
In an atmosphere of fear and uncertainty, we want to believe that alien creatures are our friends and can be vulnerable, too.
The hero of gentleness and vulnerability.
The consequences of an increasing social complexity.
An uncompromising defensiveness is a dead-end road.
The solution of just arbitration, and the implementation of agreed-upon behavioural guidelines.
The irascible personality, and his belief in a state of global peace and harmony.
The vulnerability of shyness and irascibility may make us more mellow, and more likely to seek and accept the social solution.
An exasperation with the "follower's instinct".
Some artists are interpreters or performers, others create new works of art.
Making significant contributions in the seclusion of their homes.
We all should stick to what we know, or do, best.

1 As always in the phenomenon of life; the greatest degree of viability is found in this vague and indefinable balance between rigidity and flexibility. We should have enough self-confidence and strength of character to make us communicable and trustworthy, but, we should also have sufficient flexibility to make us intelligent and adaptable people, capable of selecting the most appropriate response under a large variety of contradictory and complex circumstances.

2 A measure of shyness shows, that we are not completely rigid or immutable personalities, and, the fact, that we can be somewhat embarrassed and like to cover-up this embarrassment with a measure of irritability, shows, that we are somewhat vulnerable and have not adopted an attitude of infallibility. However, if we are too shy, we may not be able to take a stand, whenever necessary, and we reveal, then, an immature and somewhat depraved personality.

3 A smooth, suave appearance may give the impression that we are "a nice guy", but, quickly, the more perceptive members of the public will realise, that a smooth and suave personality is always after something. Such people usually want to sell something. They may peddle a product or a service, or, they try to sell themselves as a popular artist or a politician. They all have learned, that the greatest financial success is obtained by a non-offending, non-challenging approach, with a bland suaveness that only soothes. Look at the smooth politician, who is busily shaking hands and kissing babies in an unabashed bid to win the public's vote and confidence!

4 Indeed, a smooth and confident personality usually makes a living from the pleasant and appealing image he or she is able to project, and, therefore, in our era of commercialism and media manipulation, it is not surprising, that many people become suspicious and defensive upon contact with such an "appealing personality". "What does he or she wants, this time?", we ask ourselves automatically. However, there is also another reason, why we react cautiously and suspiciously to a smooth personality. We suspect, rightly, that this polished exterior is only a front; a mask, that has been fitted with great care and skill over the real personality, and, we suspect that we are dealing with an individual, who does not show his or her true intentions or attitudes.

5 We feel, that we are communicating with some sort of a clever device that has been concocted by someone to gain our confidence and rob us from whatever commodity or spending power we may have. This is the reason, why many people feel more comfortable with a less polished personality. At least, if a personality shows a few features that indicate a "normal" human vulnerability, we are able to drop our guard somewhat, and, we often elevate an amicable, vulnerable personality, to the position of a hero. Certainly, we still need heroes that give us a glittering goal to go after, but, we also need to identify with an ordinary personality.

6 As we grow older and more defensive, we may feel somewhat "lost", and, we wonder, whether or not we are the only one, who feels so vulnerable, while so many people seem to "do wonderful". If we see a personality, who, somehow, has the courage to show this vulnerability, or, who can laugh-away his clumsiness and stumbling imperfections, then, we realise, that we all are, in essence, vulnerable people, and, that we all participate, to some extent, in the game of "putting-up a front"; that we all try to project an image of self-confidence and success, while, in reality, we have many things to hide. There are many times, when we feel uncertain and shy, and, we secretly envy those, who seem to be spared the many embarrassing moments we have to live with.

7 We see these mechanisms, clearly, in the shfiting trends of our popular entertainment. For example, if we look at the sort of characters we imagine to exist in outer space, we see, that, during times, when we are ebullient and confident as a nation, "on top of the world", so to speak, we imagine these creatures to be our ultimate challenge. We have conquered the world; our enemies lie at our feet, but, still, we want to be entertained by the sensation of victory, challenge, and the spine-tingling feeling of excitement that precedes an invariable triumph.

8 However, times change; we suddenly realise, that we have slipped; our enemies have caught-up, or, even, surpassed us. We have to make a frantic effort to close the missile-gap, and, in the mean time, our politicians play upon our fears, in order to make us spend our national revenues on armaments. In an atmosphere of fear and uncertainty, we want to believe, that these alien creatures of outer space are our friends; that they do not want to do us any harm, and, we see a remarkable shift in the characters of our science-fiction writers and motion-picture producers.

9 Perhaps, a period of chronic fear and concern that these gigantic nuclear arsenals will, sooner or later, lead, inevitably, to some sort of an accidental or intentional nuclear holocaust, is a healthy breeding ground for the conviction, that there must be a better way to find security; that it is madness to rely upon this enormously dangerous and costly arms-race with its totally unpredictable and un-imaginable consequences. Perhaps, the hero of gentleness and vulnerability is so persuasive, just because it does not pose a threat, and, we see, here, the age-old wisdom, that a gentle smile and a show of vulnerability is the only way to create an atmosphere of trust and relaxation.

10 In a complex world, the demands upon our ability and willingness to continue to learn, throughout our life-span, are getting stronger. This means, that we have to try to avoid becoming rigid and over-confident, but, as we have seen, a genuine willingness to keep-on learning, means, also, that we have to keep our minds open for new ideas and new view-points, and, it means, that we can not afford to react decisively, unless we scrutinise each situation, again and again, for features which may require a novel approach.

11 The arms-race is a most primitive and ancient mechanism in the search for security. It reflects a mechanism that was already employed by nature, when the evolution of the living organisation was still at the uni-cellular level. Yet, people have acknowledged, from an early stage in the evolution of a socially integrated existence, that security can, and, often, must be sought in a pact of mutual inter-dependence, because the route of ever-escalating defensiveness is a dead-end road, absorbing ever-increasing amounts of energy, and, leaving the participants, eventually, in a weakened and exhausted state.

12 As individuals, we know, that we have to seek our security in a pact of mutual inter-dependence and just relationships with our neighbours; where disputes are submitted to binding arbitration; where we agree amongst ourselves not to resort to violent means to settle a conflict. The solution of just arbitration and agreed-upon behavioural guidelines is only possible, if there exists a strong authority that can, ultimately, force the participants to abide by a judicial settlement.

13 How do we get our national leaders, with their attitudes of absolute sovereignty, to behave as law-abiding citizens of the world? How can we make them behave according to an international code of justice, and, how can we restrain their opportunistic, land-grabbing impulses? The ultimate solution to this question, lies in the fact, that, only public opinion on a global scale will be able to force national leaderships into such a civilised code of behaviour. It takes a long time, and, it may appear to be an impossible task to educate public opinion to the point, that its voice is coherent enough to demand, on a global scale, an end to armed conflict as a means to solve a dispute.

14 How does the shy and the irascible personality fit into the aspirations of a global state of peace and harmony, or, do we have to become more and more polished, polite and suave in our appearances, before we can tolerate each other at close quarters and across cultural barriers? As a matter of fact, we all practice, already, to some extent, the "front", or, rather, the presentation of a more acceptable front of politeness and cooperation, because we all have learned the value of trying to minimise points of friction, and, to facilitate the maintenance of a proper sense of "decorum", or personal dignity.

15 We know, also, that many possibilities for exploitation arise, when a personality is commercially groomed to put us into a willing mood to spend our earnings, or, to give our vote, etc. We have discovered many shared bonds of vulnerability as members of a socially integrated environment. We have learned to recognise our follies and mistakes, and, we can laugh and sympathise with someone's predicament and moments of embarrassment. We know, that, ultimately, our security has to be found in a pact of mutual trust, based upon an enforcible code of conduct, but, this pact has to secure the essential equality of opportunities for everyone, and, it should not only protect a few privileged or wealthy individuals.

16 If we experience a moment of shyness, we can recognise, now, that it is a normal, even, valuable experience, because it means, that we still have a few areas of flexibility left in our behaviour, and, it means that we are not certain about the appropriate response. This uncertainty is a source for learning, and, it opens the possibility for a more refined and useful way of reacting to our environment.

17 If we experience a surge of irritability, exasperation, or anger, we know, that we are reacting in a way, that may be honest, but, such a reaction may also leave us vulnerable to mistakes and justified criticisms, and, if we react with a slight brusqueness when embarrassed, we know, that we are, in essence, experiencing a moment of shyness.

18 We may get a feeling of irritation, exasperation and irritability, if we happen to become successful and well-known. We are, then, nearly constantly confronted with people who demand our attention, and, who want to talk to us or congratulate us with our success. What makes us irritable, at times, is the justified feeling, that the great majority of people who want our attention, now, do so, because we are popular and in the lime-light, and not, because they truly appreciate or understand the contribution we have made, and, which has found such an unexpected measure of approval.

19 What is exasperating, and will, certainly, irk an irascible personality, is the realisation, that, so many people lack the ability, or the courage, to make an honest, personal decision about what they like or dislike. Why do so many people have to look, first, to someone else, before they dare to like or dislike something? Why are so many people merely "jumping on a band-wagon", and come only running, after everyone else has done so, too?

20 We may be irritated and somewhat perplexed about these reactions, until we realise, again, how strong the "followers instinct" is, and, let us make no mistake about it; if a great majority of people would not be so willing to be led by whomever they consider a leader or authority, it would be impossible to form any sort of social cohesion or unity. Most people are average, and, this means, that they need help and guidance to make their behavioural decisions. They need help with their beliefs and their opinions, with their political choices, their purchases, and, even, with the organisation of their lives. People need help with their judgements about what they like or dislike, and, if people did not have a tendency to follow a trend, or a trend-setting leadership, many fashion-designers and manufacturers of consumer items would have an impossible task anticipating, what people would like to buy.

21 This means, however, that the functions of a creative artist and those of a creative teacher or educator, are essentially different, and, it means, that their functions are difficult to combine. Let the gifted teacher, educator or political leader inspire and guide the people, and, let him or her function, thereby, as a "medium", or an interpreter, for the ideas of the writer or philosopher. Many artists are, essentially, interpreters or performers, and, their best work is done in promoting a contact between the audience and the creative artist. Other artists, thinkers and, even, ordinary, reflective people make their most meaningful contributions in the seclusion of their homes, far-away from the lime-light and the crowds.

22 A good thinker may write convincingly in the quiet surroundings of his home, but, if he thinks that he can achieve the same sort of contact with an audience, while speaking or lecturing, he may be in for a rude awakening. Let the thinker and the writer stick to what they do best, and, let others do the interpreting for them.

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Chapter 8

Content

Irascibility; a shield of privacy?
When the bark is worse than the bite.
The quality of "endearing crustiness"; an intuitive recognition of vulnerability.
A refreshing change from smooth politeness.
The personality we feel comfortable with.
The irascible person is not out to exploit us.
Social climbers.
A measure of popularity can be translated into large fortunes by exploiting the need of an admiring public to see and hear their heroes.
Why do we want to know, or associate with people, who are successful or famous?
By "snuggling-up" to our heroes, we hope to catch some of their achievements and successes.
Public figures have to satisfy collective psychological needs.
Without protection, our heroes would quickly be exhausted and overwhelmed.
The problem of rising expectations.
Managing, wisely, the level of public exposure.
The charismatic leader has a good "feel" for the moods and expectations of the public.
The ability to "give", rather than take.
The con-artist only takes from the people around him.
A constructive attitude does not necessarily ensure political or artistic success.
The need for an excellent rapport with the social environment.
An excercise in unraveling the human personality.
Curbing the development of strong frustrations and resentments.
When we become "trust-inspiring", or "charismatic".
Let us make an honest effort to understand ourselves.
We have to guard against superficial knowledge.
When an educational effort causes more harm than good.

1 Is it correct, then, to say, that the irascible individual is, in essence, a shy personality; that one is getting older, and, that one can afford to hide one's shyness behind a gruff and irascible exterior, because one has become more independent? Is it still a liability and a weakness to be shy, or, is it a sign of courage and confidence to be oneself, "as one is", in spite of the fact, that one may become unpopular and eccentric?

2 Probably, the irascible personality has, indeed, gained some confidence and freedom to react in the way he does, and, indeed, the most common forms of irascibility are due to a hidden shyness, and are not the result of a lack of discipline. Undisciplined people are more "erratic", labile, temperamental, or "spoiled", rather than irascible, but, let us not forget, that, even, the somewhat gruff attitudes and grumbling reactions of the irascible personality are a somewhat inept mode of behaviour, in spite of the fact, that, many people will be able to "see through" such a behaviour and come to the realisation, that "the bark is worse than the bite".

3 Here, we see, also, the reason, why a somewhat irascible, grumpy attitude may be judged as an "endearing crustiness", because people in contact with such a personality may learn, how to deal with this irascible exterior. They may discover, that such an individual is really "harmless", and will not hurt anyone. An irascible personality may, even, be considered a refreshing change from the smooth salesman, who is always looking for an opportunity to profit from the good impression he makes.

4 The irascible personality is, indeed, vulnerable, and, the rough exterior is a rather crude and inefficient defense mechanism, either, against a feeling of shyness and embarrassment, or, as a result of a lack of confidence. Irascibility may also be a defense against the demands made by the social environment, but, it is not an effective defense, because, as we have seen, people can easily look through it. It is also self-defeating, because it is isolating and tends to undermine social connections. It is worthwhile to emphasise, here, that, irascibility is a defensive and not an aggressive form of behaviour, and, for this reason, people have less to fear from an attitude of irascibility than from an attitude of clever opportunism.

5 We have seen, that the quality of irascibility can be both alluring, endearing, or, even, "attractive", as well as alienating, or, even, repulsive and insulting, depending upon the level of hostility displayed. However, the quality of smooth politeness and persuasiveness can be interpreted just as ambivalently, because it may, on a first impression, be highly pleasant to deal with, but, soon, we find ourselves under pressure, as some sort of a demand is being made. Then, the level of mistrust and resentment will be rising, because we feel, that the smooth and polite behaviour was only a ploy to get us in a cooperative frame of mind, and, we feel somewhat deceived and exploited.

6 What, then, is the sort of personality most of us feel comfortable with, and, I am assuming, now, that we are not trying to "get something" from someone else. If we are entirely non-exploitaive in our attitudes towards someone else, we will have to feel, at least, intuitively, that the other individual is also non-exploitative in his or her relationships with us. However, let us look around, and, let us be honest with ourselves. How often, are we not friendly and jovial with others, especially, when we want a favour from them? How often, are the people we would like to meet and socialise with, not chosen, because we hope to obtain some sort of an advantage from knowing them? This is one of the reasons for "social climbing", and, why socially prominent people are "sought after", because others hope to profit, in one way or another, from knowing them.

7 This profit is certainly not purely financial. If we know someone, who is prominent, powerful or famous, we derive, immediately, a number of benefits. If we need or want something that lies within their sphere of influence, we have an "inside track", or, if we work in the same profession or line of work, we hope to get promoted, or, at least, we may be helping our chances of promotion by knowing the "right people".

8 If we know someone, who is popular or famous, we gain immediately in prestige within the circle of our friends, and, we all know, how some people cultivate the art of "dropping names". This is not limited to well-known people they have met, directly or indirectly, but, it applies also to the places and countries they have visited, etc. The people we know, the places we have been to, or the assets we possess, can all be used in a game of "social showmanship", where we try to impress those, who compete with us in "social status".

9 As we have discussed, before, people, who gain a measure of fame or recognition on account of their own merit, by hard work and perseverance, will resent such "hangers-on". They will look with a weary eye on contacts with strangers, who are now seeking, suddenly, an acquaintance, and, the persistent efforts of some fans may be met with an attitude of irascibility and hostility. If such attitudes are not sufficient to deter these gad-flies, stronger measures will have to be taken to ensure privacy.

10 However, we all know, that a measure of fame and popularity can be translated into large fortunes by exploiting the need of an admiring public to see or hear their hero; to have some sort of a souvenir or personal contact. This commercial exploitation of common and normal psychological needs and desires, has become an ugly mark of the affluent, free-enterprise societies. Certainly, these psychological mechanisms are so strong, that, each and every society exploits, to some extent, these sentiments and possibilities of popularity, and, the leaders of society use these same mechanisms to whip-up a frenzy of support and patriotism, while preparing for war.

11 We, ordinary people, who are not distinguished by a particular achievement, and, who are existing in a drab and monotonous life-style, are so anxious to know people who are successful and famous, and the reasons for this desire go back to the primary mechanisms of identification, as well as the evolution of ambitions and goal-patterns. On previous occasions, we have discussed the fact, that the most basic mechanism of learning is related to the imitation of a successful or efficient parental example. We know, that, behaviourally flexible youngsters begin to learn by imitating the behaviour-patterns of their parents, and human youngsters learn essentially in the same manner. As we go through childhood and adolescence, we choose our models, and we want to emulate a specific personality. This is the reason, why we admire our sport's heroes, or, the heroes of the stage, who excel and shine in one sort of performance or another. By "snuggling-up" to our heroes, we hope to catch a glimpse of their achievements and successes, and, because we identify so strongly with them, we feel, as if some of this success and accomplishment will rubb-off on us as well.

12 Certainly, we see, clearly, that, we, as the admiring public, are trying to satisfy a specific psychological need, and, our acts of admiration are, at the same time, a strong, collective demand upon the time and energies of our hero. Without protection, our heroes would be quickly exhausted and overwhelmed, and, it is logical, therefore, that they have to be shielded from the admiring public for the sake of their own health and safety.

13 Our heroes will remain most popular, if they are, indeed, capable of giving us a great deal of satisfaction; if they can give us in their performance on the stage, or, in their sport, whatever we want from them, and, if they are willing to spend some time with us, sign autographs, be "nice to the fans", help us obtain some sort of a souvenir, etc. In short, if they live up to our expectations, we will be willing to reward them handsomely with admiration, as well as by purchasing their products, but, we, as members of the public, seldom realise, that we are placing strong and often impossible demands upon our idols.

14 If our heroes have thrilled us once, we expect them to thrill us every time, and, if this does not happen, we are disappointed. If we glorify, admire and worship our heroes, we expect them, at least, to reciprocate by being cooperative, by saying or doing things as we expect them to. All these expectations are demands, and, these demands pose a strain which has to be kept within reasonable bounds. This can be done by a wise management of the level of public exposure a well-kown personality is subjected to, but, occasionally, the limits of endurance are reached, and the "hero" may become irritable and exasperated.

15 The true charismatic leader or personality has a good "feel" for the moods and expectations of the public, and, this intuitive understanding translates into a feeling of care and concern for people. Rather than experiencing a measure of anxiety about a possible reception, the charismatic personality has an intuitive confidence, based upon a similarly intuitive understanding of the emotional and psychological mechanisms of the crowd. The charismatic personality is, therefore, essentially different from the suave and polite personality, because charismatic personalities do not "want something" from the public, but they have something to give or share from their own personalities.

16 The clever deceiver, or con-artist, who tries to exploit a few characteristics that seem to be popular, is constantly searching for ways to increase his appeal, and, he is, therefore, constantly looking for ways, where the public is asked to give, especially, admiration and money. Not so the true artist. He is primarily concerned with bringing his art in the best possible way, and, he is genuinely concerned with sharing a moment of beauty, a conviction, a thought, or a moment of laughter.

17 The charismatic artist does not ask for a contribution from the audience, but shares a part of his own personality and emotional resources. Certainly, to have the right kind of artistic attitude is far from a guarantee for success. The techniques of artistic expression may be insufficiently mastered to be convincing, and, this is the main problem for the good-willing and sensitive musical amateur. Or, the moment of beauty, the form of art, or the nature of the thoughts which a thinker would like to share with his audience, may be too far removed from the mainstream of popular sentiments and falls, therefore, on deaf ears.

18 The good-willing and far-sighted political leader may suffer a similar fate, if his ideas are too far removed from the prevailing emotions and opinions of the members of society. Without a sufficient rapport, no artist, thinker or leader can reach a state of charismatic contact, even, if, occasionally, the appreciation for the work done, may continue to grow, long after he has died.

19 "What does this have to do with irascibility?", you may ask. Indeed, charismatic behaviour seems to be so far removed from irascibility, because a charismatic personality has been able to overcome his defensive feelings of shyness and lack of confidence, while the irascible personality has not been able to do so. However, as we mentioned in the beginning of this essay, the purpose of this excercise in discussing the irascible personality, lies in the hope, and the expectation, that, slowly, our knowledge and appreciation for the psychological mechanisms of inter-personal contact will become clearer to us, and, that, as a result, our behavioural reactions will be less influenced by the superficial appearance of a personality, but, rather, by a more profound analysis and comprehension of the personality as a whole.

20 What we really want, is to become more aware of the instinctive drives that determine, so strongly, our behaviour, because a better grasp over what is happening within us, gives us a better opportunity to see the many similarities that exist between us. A better grasp over the many psychological mechanisms that play a role in our personality make-up, may also help us to curb the development of strong frustrations and resentments, or, the persistent dreams and unrealisable ambitions, which make us a more difficult and demanding personality for those, who have to live with us in close contact.

21 Strong feelings of frustration, due to unrealised ambitions and objectives, must lead to equally strong feelings of resentment, and, we will then become bitter and cynical in our relationships with others. At the same time, we may become more demanding and exploitative personalities, as we are driven, instinctively, to satisfy our needs and desires, in one way or another. An individual, who understands, why we all have to accept limitations in whatever we can obtain or achieve, will be less resentful and less frustrated. Such a person can, then, afford to be more open and understanding, and, these qualities will be felt by others as "trust-inspiring", or, even, as "charismatic".

22 Let us try to make an honest effort to understand ourselves, but, let us also realise, that it takes a considerable degree of patience, skill and knowledge to do it "on our own". Most people need help and guidance with such a project, just as most people will need help and guidance with whatever they do, because, after all, the crux of being an average individual is the willingness, and the need, to be taught and educated by those, who know a little more in one area or another.

23 We have to guard against superficial knowledge. If people are not taught properly, we see, that a defective and incoherent structure of insight and understanding is emerging. If the educational attempt fails, and, if an individual fails to understand a particular topic of knowledge, we see, that the student can only use a few "technical terms". These are then used in an inappropriate context, and, in stead of having developed a structure of knowledge and insight, such a jargon of technological terms is used as a weapon to impress others. Then, the educational attempt has caused more harm than good, and, it has become even more difficult to create an atmosphere of true understanding and insight.

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Summary

1. A long time between title and essay.
What is so interesting about an irascible personality?
A number of questions.
Many contrasting signals lie behind irascible behaviour.
A look at the spectrum or profile of a personality.
A typical "distribution curve" for many varied potentials.
The importance of an individual's "personal history" for understanding the profile of a specific personality.
Ethical attitudes and concerns are largely determined by the circumstances of one's up-bringing.
A behavioural trait will flourish, if it "pays-off".
The advantages of a high-quality education.
Discipline and self-discipline.
The value of an attitude of self-imposed constraints.
Learning to cope with the "rough and tumble" of competitive strife.
A characteristic personality profile.
The three layers that determine a personality; the spectrum of aptitudes, the history of personal experiences, as well as objectives and ambitions representing an input from the social environment.
How we "present" our personality; the "front".
The art of living together, and the reasons for an "etiquette".
Etiquette and ethics.

2. We all have to satisfy our existential needs.
When we are tempted to withdraw into a world of fantasies and pleasures.
The good fortune of having been born into a healthy family and a stimulating social environment.
It is natural for hard-working parents to give their offspring a sheltered existence.
The drift towards an inherited position of privilege and advantage.
Understanding a mechanism does not necessarily justify its occurrence.
Professionals can not hand-down their earning powers, unless their off-spring acquires the necessary qualifications.
The "middle classes" provide the most productive environment for learning.
A strong mix of encouragement and pressure.
The "frontier characteristics" of a personality.
Combining leadership qualities with an attitude of loyalty.
Hierarchical relationships between play-mates are fluid.
An important twelve-year period of compulsory schooling.
What makes us get-along well with other people?
An intuitive mix between assertiveness and the ability to yield.
Trust and familiarity with each other's characteristics.
The limitations of a defensive personality.
Crippled personalities can "hide" in a large, lax and chaotic affluent society.
We need a careful code of conduct to guard against misunderstandings, especially, when people from different cultural backgrounds have to deal with each other.

3. The many ways strangers may meet.
Business contacts.
An atmosphere of comfort and relaxation helps us to "get to know each other".
Maintaining each other's sense of dignity and comfort.
Official visits of political leaders and their dignitaries.
A meeting between hierarchically unequally placed people.
The frequent abuse of a position of power or influence; corruption.
Hearing "the raw truth" may be embarrassing.
The art of avoiding a feeling of embarrassment when giving unpleasant but honest advice.
The doctor and his patient.
Professional workmanship, and a compassionate attitude.
Contacts between essentially equal strangers when making use of public means of transportation.
The common bonds created by an unusual event.
Shared existential needs.
The wisdom of respecting each other's shell of privacy when everything is routine.
When the bored stranger succeeds in transferring his burden of boredom to a captive listener.
The arrogance of an eager conversationalist.

4. Being gruff and rude may be justified.
The many minor stresses we are routinely subjected to.
The importance of environmental conditions for our well-being.
The stress of living together at close quarters.
Responsibility and leadership.
How to react to the many stresses of social inter-actions.
The ability to resign, gracefully, a position of leadership based on a popular mandate.
The world-wide abolition of authoritarian regimes that occupy a position of power through the force of the gun.
The need to suppress and eliminate, decisively and forcefully, groups that try to destroy the democratic principle.
We have to evaluate carefully the stress-load we are under.
Resilience and irritability.
An angry and irritable reaction is incompatible with a position of high public office.
We can sympathise with an outburst of anger and irritation in response to chronic stress.
When attitudes are shaped by the need to make a living.
Art, freedom, and employment by the State.
Unbridled irascibility is undisciplined.
Problems encountered by an eccentric personality.
The stress between an individual and his social environment.
Is eccentricity justified by productivity?
Retrospective judgements.
There may well be undisciplined and immature features in the personality of an eccentric genius.
When the eccentric is only seen through his works.
The error of admiring all the features of a personality who has produced something we admire.
Examining, carefully, the criteria necessary to "make a lasting contribution".

5. The irascible personality remains curiously ambivalent.
An aggressive reaction, whenever a particular irritant is "brushed aside".
A defensive over-reaction?
The cool analysis and effective removal of an irritant.
The reaction of "moving-away".
Frictions associated with a state of over-crowding.
I am a somewhat irascible personality.
A few personal notes.
People feel vulnerable, when their cherished certainties are challenged.
The written word is more suitable for a calm, persuasive argument.
My works will have to make it on their own merit.
An idea or opinion can not be changed by force; only its appearance.
There was a time when entire nations embraced a belief on the basis of political or military power.
The persuasiveness of a position of genuine and deserved authority is enormous.
Getting rid of festering feelings of frustration and dishonesty.
When irascibility represents a revolt against platitudes and dishonesty.
An endearing "crusty personality".
The link between gruffness and shyness.

6. What does it mean to be "shy"?
Why should we feel shy, or embarrassed, when called-upon to do something that is well within our capabilities?
Embarrassed by a focus of attention, or by showing emotions.
Learning to behave in "the proper way".
The profoundly disturbing influence of confused and ambivalent parents.
When we are rearing a monster.
Few people are completely successful in their subconscious efforts to become a mature, understanding and contributing member of their social environment.
Learning to live with unresolved and poorly understood tensions.
A review of the learning processes.
When we can not meet the expectations and demands made upon us.
We all are subjected to a confusing array of conflicting demands.
A crucial balance between encouragement and criticism.
The ability of self-criticism; self-confidence.
When we feel a strong, chronic and unexplained sense of discomfort or embarrassment.
Most phases of introvert behaviour are transient.
When contact is lost completely; the autistic child.
We need a measure of self-confidence, in order to behave in a normal and socially acceptable manner.
We also need the ability to learn from other people, as well as our own mistakes.

7. The highest level of viability is always found in a vague and variable balance between rigidity and flexibility.
The balance between shyness and confidence.
Making a living from a pleasant and appealing image.
A reaction of suspicion to the polished personality.
Growing older and more defensive.
Seeing through the "fronts" of others, including our own tendencies to deceive ourselves.
The shifting trends of entertainment reflect the level of collective confidence, or the lack of it.
In an atmosphere of fear and uncertainty, we want to believe that alien creatures are our friends and can be vulnerable, too.
The hero of gentleness and vulnerability.
The consequences of an increasing social complexity.
An uncompromising defensiveness is a dead-end road.
The solution of just arbitration, and the implementation of agreed-upon behavioural guidelines.
The irascible personality, and his belief in a state of global peace and harmony.
The vulnerability of shyness and irascibility may make us more mellow, and more likely to seek and accept the social solution.
An exasperation with the "follower's instinct".
Some artists are interpreters or performers, others create new works of art.
Making significant contributions in the seclusion of their homes.
We all should stick to what we know, or do, best.

8. Irascibility; a shield of privacy?
When the bark is worse than the bite.
The quality of "endearing crustiness"; an intuitive recognition of vulnerability.
A refreshing change from smooth politeness.
The personality we feel comfortable with.
The irascible person is not out to exploit us.
Social climbers.
A measure of popularity can be translated into large fortunes by exploiting the need of an admiring public to see and hear their heroes.
Why do we want to know, or associate with people, who are successful or famous?
By "snuggling-up" to our heroes, we hope to catch some of their achievements and successes.
Public figures have to satisfy collective psychological needs.
Without protection, our heroes would quickly be exhausted and overwhelmed.
The problem of rising expectations.
Managing, wisely, the level of public exposure.
The charismatic leader has a good "feel" for the moods and expectations of the public.
The ability to "give", rather than take.
The con-artist only takes from the people around him.
A constructive attitude does not necessarily ensure political or artistic success.
The need for an excellent rapport with the social environment.
An excercise in unraveling the human personality.
Curbing the development of strong frustrations and resentments.
When we become "trust-inspiring", or "charismatic".
Let us make an honest effort to understand ourselves.
We have to guard against superficial knowledge.
When an educational effort causes more harm than good.

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